The Pointlessness of Existence

P-Q-19_Factor-110, the chief academic operative of the Canes Venatici System Interconstellational Research Project sipped a can of chilled Betelgeuse and spoke to his student. “How is the research project into the complete meaningless of humanoid existence going?”

E-Z-18-Factor-23 replied, “No more progress I’m afraid, everything is still pointless.”


“Well, as you know, we have been monitoring an earth creature code-named Writer, or to be specific, we have been looking at the earthling humanoid activity known as writing.”


“Writing is when the two upper appendages are placed side by side over a data input device that the humanoid uses to enter symbols into a primitive computational processor. The symbols are assembled into longer units known as words, and then collated into longer data units known as sentences, which convey mutually recognized information pods to other humanoids.”

“I’m still not getting this.”

“Well, it’s like talking, only using symbols.”

“You mean the humanoids don’t communicate by using cyber energized duo-transitive thought process transfer? How primitive!”

E-Z-18-Factor-23 continued. “We have noticed in our recent observations that Writer often writes.”


“We are flummoxed at such pointless behaviour. However, we are examining the theory that Writer does this because he enjoys it.”

“Enjoy it! I will not have the reputation of this institution sullied with such crackpot theories. There is not one scrap of evidence for the existence of enjoyment in the universe.”

“We are also considering the theory that he extracts an egocentric feeling of satisfaction as a consequence of causing psycho-physical pleasure in the data recipients.”

“Satisfaction! Pleasure!”

“We did look into the theory that the data package, classified as Romantic Fiction, is an instruction manual for procreation. However, our biology team ensures me that many of the acts described could not actually lead to reproduction, so we still have no plausible theory to explain its existence beyond the astonishing idea that humanoids do get a feeling of well-being as a result of reading such things.”

“What is the next stage of the project?”

“We will be monitoring Writer when his writing is transferred to another humanoid. Totally pointless, but they seem to enjoy it.”

P-Q-19_Factor-110 went red in the face (or would have done if he had a face).

“I said no more mumbo jumbo about enjoyment! Now leave me alone, I need to re-boot.”

When I’m not a poet, novelist, or writer of short stories, I’m a writer of creative non-fiction exploring Self, Food, Society and History.

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