Our Missing Flame:
A Triple Twin Flame Journey to Surrender
When you’re truly in surrender- you’ll know it…
It’s a feeling of peace and calmness that you’ve never felt before, and there is no question that you have finally surrendered to the universe. Of course, I had thought I was in surrender 3 times before I truly was. I was convinced of it… but then, the sudden flood of tears would take over, and the numbness would be replaced with grief. The obsessive thoughts returned…or never really left… and the roller coaster ride of uncontrollable emotion and pain continued.
TRIPLE FLAME RELATIONSHIP EXPLAINED
We are in a triple or triad flame relationship, and the 2nd female is the runner.
I understand that not everybody will believe in it or understand this sort of dynamic, but I do know that it’s becoming more common. Our planet is vibrating at such high frequencies and healing at such an accelerated rate that more people are being called in for this work to heal the planet. Change is occurring everywhere, and who are we, as humans, to put our 3D restrictions on a spiritual connection that is beyond the comprehension of so many? The word twin is restricting, and this relationship, by its very nature, transcends all normal 3D restrictions and beliefs. Everything I’ve read on Twin and Triple Flame dynamics really resonates with our relationship and experiences. Basically, all three people have both masculine and feminine energies and have strong bonds with each person individually, and they all maintain the strong group bond as well. The lessons are challenging and intense but can be remarkably healing if done correctly.
This story is about my actual surrender and major epiphany day with awesome synchronicities.
In my latest healing from my incredible energy worker.. . the last thing she said was…
”If you were to see her tomorrow, you would not be ready. She would trigger your pain pictures, and you wouldn’t be able to hide your emotions… she would be able to see right through you, and it would push her away more.”
Basically…you’re not ready.
Of course, stubborn me, didn’t believe her, because I thought I was in surrender for sure… especially after some profound healing I had done. I was definitely getting close…..but…on the way to the mountain, the next day — where I knew she would most likely be — I realized otherwise .
I was innocently daydreaming about what it would be like to see her after 3 months. I mean, after all, she had to be feeling some of the same pain and longing I was feeling, right? She secretly wanted to run into us too.. I was sure of it!We hadn’t held each other or heard each other’s voices in 3 months, so I knew that once she saw us, she would react to our powerful energetic connection and remember how incredible it felt. We wouldn’t have to say any words, and it would just be magical again. Since there was no attachment to an outcome, and I just thought maybe we could be a good trigger for her, I didn’t think that counted as obsessive thinking or not trusting in divine timing… because I knew we weren’t ready for union.
After a while, I noticed some minor anxiety, but I wasn’t sure what it was from… because I wasn’t having any sad or negative thoughts of her, but when we arrived, it slowly started getting worse, and then it was a full-blown panic attack. I had to go sit in the car .. I couldn’t stop crying and didn’t know why. In fact, I was really at peace with her having a boyfriend and going away with him to the east coast, so when I thought I saw him.. I didn’t feel any emotion. (Hubby had accidently met him the day before, which was very healing for him.. but that’s a story for another day).
Then, all of a sudden, a picture popped into my head of all of us running into each other.. but instead of the magical reunion I had envisioned.. she walked right past us and said absolutely nothing! She pretended she didn’t even know who we were.. like complete strangers! She was clearly mad! But why?! I mean, after all, she’s the one who had left us…broke our hearts…acted like life was better without us, and she was getting her life together and moving on without us…to better things.
I started panicking and hyperventilating again .. there is no way this would ever happen! I would never believe it! She would never treat us like that.. in person anyway. She loves me…us…she was always loving and kind, and this behavior was only because of outside influences and texting, which just made it easier for her to be fake and hide her true feelings…But once she saw us…all that negativity would disappear instantly, and she wouldn’t be able to hide her love anymore.The truth is, I knew she was angry, but it never quite made sense to us. In the very few texts we had received from her…she denied having any anger or resentment towards us, which meant that she couldn’t possibly be mad then, right?!
Eventually, I came to my senses and accepted the truth…
There would be no magical reunion, and we would be like total strangers to her.
Then it happened…My trauma pictures started reeling in my mind, like a traumatizing movie. First, the memories of feeling rejected by her, then.. other rejection pictures and childhood traumas made their appearance. I started remembering times when she triggered my memories of rejection and deep feelings of worthlessness and not being good enough… second best… which is why I thought she picked someone else over me … who she made clear was a better choice for her.
THE DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL
A few days prior, I spent my days going through the dark night of the soul (DNOTS) and released layers and layers of trauma. I released emotions that were major trauma response triggers in my life.
THE TRIGGER
I thought I was in surrender and could just kind of be done with all this and decided to text her and just say “Hi, how are you.” I know now that I would not do that again, however, at the time, I truly believe it was something I was called to do because I needed that last trigger. And that was an intense one. She never fails to say the exact “right” words that will trigger my trauma to the core. It’s almost like this was all written from a script. It’s incredibly eerie, almost.
She writes back basically saying she’s found the one.. she’s not ghosting us.. she just struggles to balance everything.. and she’s moving on.
Translation...
-She doesn’t have time for us
-She’s finally met someone to help her get away…
…from us
…from everything and everyone that is the so-called “cause” of her pain
-She doesn’t need us anymore
-She doesn’t have a need or time for closure
-She’s a busy woman…
…Too busy to bother with any more processing with us…
…and you know…!@#$ our needs, they’re not important.
It took me a while to be mad… because my biggest, or one of the biggest, trauma responses was to be a martyr and not feel deserving of love. Instead of anger, I was trained to keep giving love and to be a good girl… not get mad…and you know what!? I didn’t recognize emotional abuse from her because she was the most loving woman I had ever had in my life. My mind couldn’t comprehend the notion of someone so loving, and at the same time as be be so cruel and selfish. This couldn’t possibly be abusive behavior, and so I made excuses. Excuses, excuses. Even though she had basically just told me…
I’m not important.
My needs don’t matter.
I’m not worth her time.
I’m not deserving of her love.
She met someone better who was actually worth her time, and because of him, she didn’t need us — a guy she’d known for a month — was more important than us.
This old record was so familiar to me, but I hadn’t consciously felt those emotions in 20 years.
EPIPHANY ON THE MOUNTAIN
So, back on the mountain, I reverted back into a child emotionally and knew that I just couldn’t see her… not today. I knew that I would start panicking and become that hurt child again, the minute I saw her…and so...
I said out loud to the universe...
“I don’t want to see her… I am not ready… but if she’s meant to see us… without any interaction, for her own trigger, then I trust that will happen in perfect divine timing.”
I let go of any attachment to how or when anything would happen with her and felt a peace in my energy that was foreign to me. I felt light, and I knew something had changed but I wasn’t completely aware of the profound nature of that change just yet.
I grounded out the pain energy and said goodbye to that trauma …like I did after every trigger.
My mood went back to normal, and I was no longer in panic mode. I was happy… and enjoyed the rest of my evening…
THE FINAL TEST AND SYNCHRONISTIC LAST STRAW
At the last minute, I had arranged it so I could go home from the mountain with hubby on his Harley. We left late, right before sundown, and he “randomly” took the alternate and longer route home. We pulled over at the Vista point like always..
and within a few minutes…
…here she comes… driving up the road in her RV… with her new boyfriend…
She started to pull in behind us… then, she obviously noticed who we were (helmets and snow gear and all), and abruptly changed course. So, instead, she backed onto the road to park farther down the gravel in front of us. She didn’t get out.
We saw her face as she passed us, and she was mad...we knew her grumpy face.. she was clearly irritated.
I mean... under normal circumstances… if you saw people you were extremely close to and knew you were moving across the country the next day, wouldn’t you stop and say goodbye? .. or at the very least, wave!
And remember.... after all, she had denied being angry… and was moving on with the new love of her life.. right!? So, why the need for the silent treatment!?
Then, we leave, and pull over at the next stop. Minutes later, she passes again — looks straight ahead and refuses to look at us or acknowledge our existence!
You probably think that was a trigger for me, right?
Well, before my ephinany… it would have been a trigger, and I would have gone into full-blown panic mode… cried, hyperventilated, etc.. My system would have literally gone into shock.
because…
Anxiety can be triggered when your reality and actual reality are not one in the same - not in sync — (which, by the way.. is my biggest family dysyfinctuional behavior, and it can actually be very dangerous and destructive ).
Creating my own reality and dream world was how I got through life… it was safe and painless. I mattered in that world, and I wasn’t second best.
I hate to admit this, but before I accepted reality, I probably would have waved at her so she knew it was us — because I wouldn’t have believed that she’d ever ignore us
— so I would have tricked myself into believing that she didn’t recognize us, so I could maintain that perfect image I had of her in my mind.
But, since I had already accepted the reality that she was mad at us and wouldn’t speak to us, and was in alignment with reality — I did not react at all — and her behavior actually made me happy.
yep… you heard me…happy!!!
I knew how incredibly synchronistic that encounter was and that it was meant to happen.. at exactly the right time. The fact that she was actually angry was a good sign of her growth. She was no longer numb, and to top it off, and to compound the trigger, it was the day before she was leaving across the country to move with him — the guy she said was "the one,” after knowing him for just a month.
I knew she needed that trigger before she left, but I wasn’t sure how it would happen, or exactly why. I just knew.
This couldn’t have been more perfect. I now understood 5hen how detrimental it would have been for all of us to see each other.
When it’s time — we’ll know.
I’ve been in surrender ever since.
My perceived reality is no longer out of sync with actual reality..I was happy that I was not triggered!
I had passed the ultimate test! (Although the boyfriend thing was pretty traumatic!)
I’m happy she’s with him and learning all the lessons she needs to learn on her path. I no longer resist reality or think I can change or control it. So, I am no longer suffering — no more crying, pain, longing, jealousy, fear, etc., etc…
There are no more obsessive thoughts. I am not worried about what she’s doing, thinking, or feeling, and I completely trust the universe to know and manifest the perfect time for me to see her beautiful smile again.
The best thing about surrender, is that I can connect with her energetically whenever I want. It’s finally a connection free from my pain or her pain.
It’s just love.
And it makes me smile….just like she always did.
