The quest for self knowledge
For reasons that are, too long and bit complicated to explain into here, it’s been years that I pen down my thoughts, this activity of mine is a perfect outlet, for, conveying anything that’s happening in my life. I have been writing about days where everything was picture perfect, and I have complained about those dark, murky times when melancholy wrapped me in its cloak and I felt shattered… Every person’s map of the world is as unique as their prints, every one of us is unique and special in his or her own way… In every person, someone is hiding… I’m the kind of persons who likes to be by herself or let me say I’m the type of person who doesn’t find it painful to be alone. I find spending an hours or even more every day at my desk, not speaking to anyone, to be neither difficult nor boring. I much have preferred reading a book on my own over being with someone else…
By observing people and circumstances I have noticed that we are all wrestling with something but the trick is that everyone is using his own standards to shape himself or herself into someone stronger, kinder and better… for me, I’m living my life setting my own personal standards taking into consideration my upbringing, age and struggles… without these standards I feel like I’m adrift and unable to monitor how I’m doing, I feel like these standards are the benchmark for my personal life , they are my way to get my life on track especially after experiencing taught circumstances and it was hard for me to overcome them easily because of my sensitive personality as far as I’m someone who turns everything into the extreme especially when I get hurt, it makes every inch of me lose something towards who hurt me and although I have had enough reasons to be worse but I stayed the same, I simply get distant…. I’ve also learned that in life change is inevitable and everything around me is impermanent; my relationships, my circumstances, my possessions and so forth but sometimes things change in a way that never go back to what they once were ! I cannot control every little thing that happens to me but I’m trying to control over how I internalize it .Thus, it’s better to appreciate changes that are working positively in our life than those that are causing me overthinking.
what really counts for me is that I have I’ve found scores of lessons that I really have to be thankful for as far as they have taught me how to live my life to the fullest with all the ups and downs and challenge myself to question my view on life itself and keep believing that with every phase of my life, I’m about to embark on a life-changing ‘’adventure’’, trying to try a new mission by finding ways to motivate myself and forget about what would people afford for me. As time passes, I also maintained the attitude of keeping things under my hat, there’s no need to go into any details because that’s is not really what people want to know about me… what I want them to hear is just the word “fine’”, even when I’m in the very pits of despair, doing things quietly and going about my daily-life challenges without telling others till I coped with them and strive life happily and smugly without having to tell anyone about anything.
I really have to admit that what’s difficult in this life is having the determination to force ourselves to see the bright side of everything, believing that there is always that glimmer of hope, life is nothing but a psychological warfare that keeps teaching me how to master the art of finding peace in myself …a year or I would rather say “ years”, have taught me how to be proud of being different and be a person who masters the knack towards successful living… I must grow strong enough to love the world just for those who really loves me, I feel like my destiny is bound with theirs because I’m connected to them, connected with their unconditional love.
These words will serve as a memory of my past and a wish list of my future….