I was genuinely heartbroken by the story of your college friend — and how she joined in with the much expected shaming and hatred of her “flaws” as soon as she was allowed to join in being thin.
I wish I could put into words how it made me feel exactly, what internal revelation there was about how being thin seems to encourage people to trash talk their bodies (how maybe being a former fat person increases that encouragement). I rarely hear thin women talk about loving their bodies in the same ways that I hear fat women talk about loving theirs — even though fat women have so many more reasons to hate theirs (all caused by society, not some inherent flaw in fat bodies).
But I can’t seem to find those words. I’m not particularly large, but even being the “average” size in the US, I find a lot of abuse and mistreatment which sometimes makes me long to return to a smaller body. Not because I dislike my body now, but because I dislike the way it’s turned into a target.
I can only imagine how those feelings are intensified for people larger than me. I can only imagine the kind of hurt and pressure that might drive someone to those sorts of decisions.
It’s unfair and it’s disgusting.
That aside though — this was so beautifully written. I love the way that you write and the imagery you create “the warm sunlight of thinness” is just so evocative.