Ocean’s 8 Review: The Gender Swap Con

movieemoth
Sep 3, 2018 · 3 min read

It’s that time of year where our beloved Hollywood executives decide it’s time to capitalise on the ongoing feminist fad that seems to be fannying its way around Hollywood.

But how?

How about a gender swap on a film that was successful? I mean, we all know it’s worked in the past. And why pay for an original script by a woman when you can just ‘CTRL+F’ on Ocean’s 11 to replace Danny for Sandra, hire an all-star cast and and an uninspired male filmmaker to direct it? Job done.

The film opens with criminal Debbie (Sandra Bullock), decked out in her orange prison uniform and a beige satin lipstick with rose undertones. She’s been in prison for the last five years, and is pleading her case in a parole hearing.

She’s released, and we see her gliding through the city making a series of impressive cons that land her in a high-class hotel overlooking Central Park.

I was in. I was ready for the ride.

The movie then eagerly gets on to its plodding phase — a phase which unfortunately stretches itself to the 111th minute of the film.

Debbie assembles her team with her seeming best friend Lou (Cate Blanchett). Although the film hints at a romantic entanglement between the two, it’s not bold enough to explore it and we’re left wondering who Lou is, apart from a nightclub owner with a motorbike and a great sense of style. In fact, the script keeps sparse the characterisation of almost any of the roles outside of specifying their occupation. So much so that when part of the girl gang were asked by Graham Norton about their characters, they all rattled off their character’s dayjob.

Once this all-star cast are dressed up with no characters to develop, Debbie announces the plan for the con in their headquarters, in a dimly lit scene that revolves around Debbie’s powerpoint presentation. I mean there’s nothing that gets me geared up for a dangerous con like a powerpoint presentation while leisurely 70s lobby music bobs along in the background.

They’re going to steal the Toussaint, (a $159 million Cartier necklace) at the Met Gala.

The team starts making their preparations for the heist, including the oh so integral Tinder advertisement. And when I say advertisement, I don’t mean the scriptwriters disguised it within an existing scene, I mean they actually inserted a scene that serves solely as an advertisement. Because who doesn’t love a good ad break at the cinema?

After the prep is complete, we meander into the jeopardy-less heist, I mean we’re barely given the chance to get to know the characters before they’re thrust into this dangerous situation. We’re confronted with some cameos, because what drives a great story forward more than a celebrity cameo — It’s like the film knows what’s going on in the actual world! The heist was carried off almost without a hitch. Honestly by that point I was happy for one of them to meander into jail if it meant we would gain a bit of tempo in this lethargic, lengthy monotonal mess.

Alongside the Cartier jewelry, the costume design by Sarah Edwards also sparkled, especially Cate Blanchett’s wardrobe. Anne Hathaway was lucky enough to be given a glimpse of a character, and her performance was dazzling, and although Awkwafina’s role was small, she was fun to watch.

Overall though, unfortunately the cleverest con artist in this film sat behind the camera, breathing heavily over the directors shoulder watching our cash float off the backs of the pussy-power cast and into his briefcase.