My 30K feet Adventure

Today was one of the funniest moments of my life. It was mixed with laughter and sheer embarrassment but mostly laughter.

I was on my way back from the US flying with AirFrance. My first flight was an awful experience because the screen attached to the seat in front of me was in a difficult 75-degree angle. This made it so difficult to watch anything and much harder to sleep. More annoying was the fact that I brought my neck pillow, yet my back and neck were hurting which led me to barely getting any sleep — not to mention the nasty airplane food!

Honestly, as my friend would say, I was knackered!

I took a few power-naps but couldn’t sleep during my layover because I didn’t want to miss my flight.

When I was about to board, I met one of the nicest African-American ever, she was going to Lagos (that’s a different story) and we hit it off pretty quick. Apparently, she had the same experience on her flight.

So I devised a plan!

My friend once said she would leave her economy class seat to go sleep at first class and I said to myself, “Why not give it a try!”.

I think we all know how this ends. But nonetheless, I’ll carry on.

Now, boarding the plane was a hassle.

It began with us taking a stairway down, riding on an airport shuttle to the middle of nowhere, walking a little, and then climbing another stairway up, then walking a little more.

Welcome to AirFrance Ultimate search, today’s challenge “FIND THE PLANE” (AirFrance is definitely off my fave list)!

To be honest, I felt this was just another display of racism and white privilege because I’ve noticed that most airlines use their worst planes when traveling to places in Africa. And the other passengers in the shuttle seemed to think so too. But that’s another article for another day.

So I’m thought to myself “there’s no way after all this stress that I’m about to go struggle in Economy.

“Fam! Where the First class at???!!!”

We get on the plane, we see a few free seats in first-class but decide it might be too risky. We moved to business class, looked around like a couple of bandits (I mean I acted cool but my friend was tense), then sat. And trust me, it was nice. Everything was much more different from the economy-class, from the seats to the earphones to the menu.

So I turned to my friend and said, why don’t they just make all airplane seats like this. And she paused a little and said “First-class costs like $5000” and I’m thinking “Well, just make it all the same quality and same price cos this segregation ain’t it”.

I was pressed so I went to use the bathroom, and by the time I came back…

She was gone!

I knew I should just have stayed in the bathroom for a bit more because I figured they had caught us. But I decided faking sleep would be the best option, because there was no way I was about to carry my bag back in front of all these people(I mean, you know how Nigerians can be all up in people’s business). And other passengers in the business class were already giving me the skank eye (Like, “Who’s this wanna-be; she doesn’t even belong in our class”).

I really didn’t care, I just closed my eye to sleep and then I heard a tap.

Man: Madam, I think you’re in the wrong seat.

*My life and dignity flashed before my eyes*.

Me: I just want to sleep, I’m not staying.

Man: *looks at me with a very fake and sarcastic smile,* I’m sorry ma’am you have to go to your seat.

Me: *hesitantly* Can’t I just stay, I’m not eating or anything.

Man: I’m sorry you have to leave, it’s the same in any airline. Or you’ll just pay for the seat

Me: How much is the seat? (As if, I was going pay in the first place)

Man: I mean you can pay an extra 500–1000 dollars.

Me: *laughs in realization in my inner mind* I’ll drop my bag and come pick it up later.

Man: No ma’am please pick up your bag.

Me: Can’t I just drop it.

Man: *Probably thinking “I will embarrass this lady today”* Please take your bag ma’am.

So I picked up my bag and walked away, background music playing in my head, shoulders squared, head up high and walked majestically all the way…to the last set of seats in economy.

Trust me, it was a very long walk and probably the longest one minute of my life because I could see various eyes staring but really I didn’t care because I’m most likely not going to be seeing any of them ever again.

So, here I am laughing at the adventure I just had, writing this article in economy-class while eating crappy bread and smiling like a retard!

Take that AIRFRANCE flight attendant!

I mean, you could say it’s a coping mechanism (maybe) but I genuinely laughed when I thought of how I would narrate what just happened to my friends — and probably at my first TED Talk.

Now, I’m supposed to drop some fortune cookie wisdom right?

Alright! How’s this?:

1.) Live! Life is too short!

2.) Don’t be afraid to take risks, the worst you’ll get is “Ma’am please go to your seat and please take your bags”.

3.) Learn to laugh at yourself and not take life too seriously. You’re human and you’ll have “embarrassing moments”, but you can choose if you are going to be embarrassed or just laugh it off and learn from it.

4.) People will always have opinions because everyone feels they are the center of their own universe — Someone is probably going to use me to teach a moral lesson on contentment because that’s the part of the story they saw — but that’s fine.

5.) Segregation will never be a good thing. I feel technology should be accessible to all kinds of people. And those are the kind of platforms I want to build; platforms that make good services affordable to everyone, inclusively.

I am about to continue my nap now, so thank you for coming to my TED Talk.