What its like to be an old man at 21

If I didn’t have a rich dad, I’d be dead. Probably from suicide. Instead, I’m pumped full of antidepressants and pain medication.

POTS, Fibromyalgia, IBS, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, depression, and anxiety is what I deal with everyday. Four pills in the morning and six at night. I nap at least once a day.

2 years of physical therapy, 3 epidurals, over 20 specialists in New York, California, and Minnesota, 17 different prescription medications, and I’m worse off then when I started 6 years ago.

Being both humble and objective, I’m very good looking, and I look like I’m in decent shape. I’m not. I don’t get up when an old lady needs a seat, and I look at other young people with jealousy and contempt.

I’ve developed this fake as fuck political smile that I stupidly whip across my face every time I have to interact with someone.

When I do enough cocaine or take enough adderall, or both, I can be someone that people tolerate. When I miraculously convince a poor girl to sleep with me, I pray that my 100mg viagra kicks in. It never always does.

These nights are great. At most, my body can handle it once every other week if I don’t want to spend every subsequent day bed ridden.

I pay, sorry, my dad pays 100$ a day to my personal trainer to keep my heart rate from sky rocketing. Also, the only meal I don’t seamless is breakfast. Its expensive not eating meat, gluten, or dairy.

I have too much of a headache to focus on movies or TV, weed spikes my pain, drinking fucks up my stomache and without adderall, ritalin, focalin, or my little brother’s concerta, I would’ve dropped out of college (I already took a year off and transferred back home to “deal” with my health problems).

I was basically addicted to xanax before getting a klonopin prescription, and I once begged a doctor to prescribe me perks.

I spend all day alone in my room watching CNN because everything else pisses me off. If I muster up the courage to leave my place, I listen to podcasts to stop my thoughts.

Music annoys me. I feel like the problems of all these musicians are trivial when compared to mine. Up beat music without lyrics reminds me when I used to like to dance.

So, to everyone else who isn’t me: go fuck yourselves. To those who have it worse than me, I’m sorry. To those assholes who want to take away peoples health insurance (I watch way too much CNN), quit being fucking hypocrites and cede yours.