I don’t think his comment was about excusing the poor behavior of others. No one likes the feeling of unwanted attention. The tricky part is in understanding how your decisions-things you can control-might be impacting your environment to solicit that unwanted attention. It’s OK to ponder something like that constructively and with support from people that love you and will give you honest feedback without shaming you. There is an important truth in knowing how to project confidence no matter how you look. That’s a harder thing to teach/learn and was overlooked or a little misrepresented by the author.