Reflecting on Finding “The One”

I was reading another post here on Medium about finding “the one”, or rather, why people are not finding the one. I enjoyed it quite a bit, maybe because I felt I related more to the author than the people about whom she was writing. (Specifically when she wrote: “I am unable to make a ‘plan’[,] and randomly fall for other people’s eyes, emotions, and ability to see me without my mask on.” Because that is essentially me to a T.)

And then I followed the link to Part 2. I must admit, I didn’t finish reading Part 2 because upon reading a very specific sentence, I was reminded of a conversation I had some time ago with a friend of mine, and for whatever reason I decided this was the time to finally write my first story and share it with… perhaps nobody, but nevertheless I’m putting my thoughts out there.

So what was it that sparked this moment of “inspiration,” if you will? Well, apparently, “Everyone just wants love.”

Just a few weeks ago I had a conversation in this vein with a friend while wandering the streets of Milan. We are both in our early 20s, and admittedly, we don’t have the most experience with love, however, that doesn’t mean we don’t have any. We hadspent most of the day talking about our respective love lives (if we can venture enough to call it that), and at one point I made the proclamation: “I really don’t think we’re looking for people to love us as much as we’re looking for people to love.”

“What do you mean?” she said, looking at me as if I had just said the most bizarre of things.

“Well, yeah. I mean, think about it. How often do we hear about unrequited love? In music, in movies, in books, in life! I think it’s human nature not so much to look for someone to love us, but rather to find someone that we can love.”

“I’d never thought about it that way,” she said.

Admittedly, neither had I. It was a conclusion I had come to in that moment, after hours of talking about a guy for whom I currently care for deeply, but am not convinced feels the same affection for me — and yet, I don’t care. The way he feels about me does not at all alter, limit, or inhibit the way I feel about him. If all everyone really ever wanted was love, then wouldn’t everyone be perfectly content with the love of their family, their best friends, from that person that has pursued them countless of times but isn’t their “type”?

Perhaps it is unfair of me to project my personal feelings onto others, and I will add that none of this is founded in research, only personal experiences and my own observations, but the more thought I put into it, the more I convince myself that I’m right (again, as far as my own life goes).

I have fallen in love with people that I’ve never even met, literally people whose only acknowledgment of my existence is a quick like of one of my Tweets (**head nod to Tyler Joseph**), but my affection for them has absolutely nothing to do with how they feel about me, which is why as far as I’m concerned, I’m more interested in finding people to love opposed to finding love for myself. I realize that sounds a bit masochistic, but perhaps that’s only because the image perpetuated of unrequited love in all forms of communication is an ugly one, one of constant suffering and despair, and while that’s not untrue, it’s not the only truth.

Well, what exactly am I trying to say in this long rant that is starting to seem to go nowhere? Hmm… honestly, I’m not entirely sure anymore. Maybe simply that I’ve come to the realization that when I cry out, “I just want someone to love me,” I’m full of shit. What I want is to find someone I can love unselfishly and wholeheartedly, and if he or she happens to love me back in that same way, then I guess I’ve struck gold, but if not, it’s nothing new and life will carry on as always.

(If you want to check out the piece that sparked this sort of “response,” here is the link! )