stop waiting for others to change
Do you want to know how much time I’ve wasted in waiting for people to change? For them to “come to their senses” and finally fit into the romanticized bubble I’d placed them in? Hint: a fuckton.
Maybe it’s a part of growing up, or maybe I’ve reached a point where I can’t deal with the reality of certain people anymore. Whatever the reason is, I’ve had enough time to accept the fact that others aren’t going to suddenly change, and they’re DEFINITELY not going to change because you want them to.
However, I’ve realized you can’t really resent people for who they are, or what they’re not. Likewise in everything you do, the choices made by others are based on their own principles, and not the one’s you’ve become accustomed to. Everyone has been subjected to different backgrounds and experiences, (not to mention genetics), and through this no other person can perfectly replicate your state of mind. It is these dissimilarities that you must understand are not in your power — or place — to “fix”; once you accept this, you can stop worrying about actuating their decisions and focus on yours.
So why do we feel so inclined to dictate how others act, even if we don’t say anything? Are we simply annoyed they aren’t behaving in a way that benefits how we act?
Just like with the whole “opposites attract” phenomenon, I believe we’re fascinated in showing someone a different point of view, (specifically our point of view), that it becomes an objective to change their mind with it. We like to implement our ideas; present our own perspectives in the hopes of them becoming a little more like us…or at least a little more open-minded. But again, why?
Because we’re all selfish assholes who think we know best — too bad literally everything is subjective.
There will be so many points in time that you’ll want nothing more than for someone to change, whether it be a minuscule pet peeve or an entire outlook that contradicts yours. Especially when you come across all the shitty people you’re going to meet, you might feel that it’s necessary to have them transform into a “better” person: better in the way you’d like them to be. But remember: if these shitty people weren’t content in who they were already, wouldn’t they change by themselves? This desire in wanting a person to fit into a certain set of ideals isn’t going to do anything; they have no interest in who or what you’re expecting them to become. Can you blame them?
It’s taken me long enough to realize that if someone wanted to change, they would. It’s usually when they don’t that it becomes the hardest part to accept.