These Two Years
The following begins in April of 2014 and works its way to the present…
Before we start our journey, I would like to tell you a little about myself and how I came to the point that I am currently at.
April, 2014 …
I haven’t had a hard life. My family was never really wealthy but also never poor. I have lived in New Jersey and pennsylvania but I’ve spent the last 21 years in Maine. First in Portland, 10 years in Newport then a couple in Carmel and then finally Hermon, where I’ve spent the last 9 years and 9 months (3 of the months were in Salem new hampshire. But that story is for another day). I’ve made and lost a lot of friends along the way and by lost I mean drifted apart or found out that they killed themselves. A relatively good friend of mine just passed away not too long ago and I have to watch his younger brother walk through it and it’s hard at times to empathize with him because all of my siblings are alive.
I’ve held 7 jobs in my working career and have made around $50,000 give or take in that time (that’s not a lot of money). I also have for the most part been active in a non-denominational church. I went to the same church for 20 years and do you know how close to God I feel? Not very close. You would think that in that time I would have become some sort of monk or something but no. I feel very far away. I have recently found myself pulling away from the church and all the rules and anti-rules and just trying to be a better person. It’s a strange thing to call yourself a Christian your entire life and then know that you according to the world be a hypocrite if you do. I imagine it’s as if someone who was addicted to something for a long time and one day they decide that they don’t want to partake anymore of the shenanigans and Tomfoolery but they can’t. They can’t let go, it almost feels wrong to.
That’s the best way I can describe it. Anyway, I have just gotten sick and tired of the label you wear if you call yourself Christian or Jewish or Muslim or any religion for that matter. Why can’t we just love people more than skin deep? So, since I can’t quite let go of Jesus’ teachings I’ve decided to lay down my religion and title and go out into the world and find out what makes it tick. I want to act as Jesus did but also not be blind to the fact that there are other peaceful religions out there and they are the same as us. No longer have people tell me the way life should be or this is how I should live my life.
In late 2014 a friend of mine called me and began to open up to me about his religious walk and to be honest he was starting to feel the same way I do. — I’m tired of all the doctrine and all of the theology — he said. -I am planning a year long trip. Six months here in the states and six months in Africa.- And of course me being me I just invited myself on his world travels hoping he would accept my invitation to myself to travel with him. (It wasn’t that blatant but yeah, I asked if I could go).
So these writings that I am about to share with you will be real, unfiltered and from my heart. You may agree with what I say and you may not. Just remember I’m trying to find my way and I’m taking you with me until you stop reading.
A YEAR LEADING UP TO…
I can’t sleep. I have a lot on my mind. A good friend of mine has started dating another friend of mine and now he won’t return any of my texts and I don’t know why. I’m kinda glad I’m single.
On another front, my grandmother with Alzheimer’s disease has moved in with us and I don’t know how to deal with it.
I start a new job soon with a pest control company, I don’t know about it but I need the money for the trip so I’m going to have to deal with it.
I hope my parents don’t been money again this year cause I want good things for them also I want to save my money .
I figure I’ll need between 10 and 20 thousand dollars for next year when Dillon and I leave.
I can’t wait to see all the people that we meet and affect change in small towns and Native American tribes. So excited!!
So here am, sitting at bagel central in Bangor, Maine about to meet with Dillon and Dennis to talk about the trip in almost a year’s time. We still have a LOT to go over and to be honest, I don’t feel ready. I’m 27 and need to get out on my own. I’m single, no kids I should be rolling in the doe but I literally have $2.75 to my name. Thankfully I have a job offer paying $15.00 an hour.
We want to go to every City Reach Church and meet them and also visit a few Native American reservations along the way. Originally Dillon wanted to go to Africa but after meeting today he said that he may want to go to Brazil and Mexico instead. That will save us money regarding immunizations (shots). If we were to go to Africa we would have had to get every shot under the sun almost and that would have cost around $500.00 or more. I’m happy to go anywhere, I just want to go. We have planned on saving around $10,000 to go on the trip. I think that if I am vigilant I could save double that.
I have been all over the globe doing volunteer work and doing missions. In 2010, I went to Lima, Peru and walked among the people, meeting them and asking if they wanted prayer for anything. sometimes a few hundred people would gather and almost cause a stampede because some of the people were so impoverished or sick with something. We would go to schools and have fun with kids and do mini skits and dance with them. At the end of the week that we were there we would have a major gathering with bands and speakers and teachers. In Lima there were almost 30,000 people gathered in one place. Since then I’ve been to Haiti and India. India was different than the other two trips. In India we focused on dedicating wells and orphanages. 300 kids recieved beds for the first time. It was one of my favorite trips I have ever done.
So It turns out that we aren’t going on the trip now. I can’t complain cause I have made $20,000.00 this year… yeah, I doubled my income from last year. I still want to go on a life changing trip. (and not necessarily life changing for me). I have been working for a pest control company. It’s really great but, there always seems to be a but with almost everything you do . Why? I think I may try Uber her in the next few months. That is if I can get a decent car. I’m looking at a 2008 ford focus right now. Ultimately I would like to Uber across the country ( if I can). I have my own trailer now that I am renting from my bro all to myself. I have a cat named Cooper. The trailer needs to be winterized though.
It is now 2016. That ford focus was sold to another person. I’m still struggling to figure I what I want to do soothing my life. I should be fine, I’m still young.
In other news, I told the woman i have had feelings for very long time how i felt. She was taken back by the news but does not feel the same way about me. She lives in Florida and after she returned home she asked if I would move there. Ok so I know that “signals” can be misinterpreted by Men . And that is the stigma but I didn’t know what to think on that one .
I’m going for a visit in a few days for a week I’m excited cause I love to travel. When I get back and receive my tax return I would like to visit Zack in Texas.
This whole week has been a wake up call for me. I’ve been wondering what I should do for a great while now and I do believe I know what to do..
My friend Heather had asked me to come down to Florida for a conference on the prophetic and such. Seeing that it’s a solid 20 degrees and below in Maine right now I decided to go and see what I could receive.
For the past few months I had been distant from church. I still believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ but every sunday would roll around and I would think do I really want to go spend 2 hours with those people? Or do I want to sleep? Needless to say I would normally sleep.
I have a lot of talents (not to toot my own horn). Infact, I would often ask myself and God what my destiny was and God was usually silent. So eventually I just figured that, that meant I had to just choose. But that lead to complacency and laziness. This week (at the eleven conference)I learned to lean on Jesus in the wilderness. This week I tapped into my own prophetic gift during one of the sessions.
TO BE CONTINUED…