How Embracing Lessons from the Marine Corps Strengthened My Relationships by Teaching Me to Recognize Warning Signs
Hey Fellow Dads,
It’s bananas 🍌🎶 to think I decided to leave home and become a United States Marine just 6 days after crossing the stage to recieve my high school diploma back in ‘02. But it’s also been bananas 🍌🎶 because I never thought those interesting experiences would be the backdrop of many of my life lessons.
None more interesting than the experiences on the road as a Logisitc Vehicle Systems (LVS) Operator in my beloved Corps.
I once seen a Lance Corporal flip a Mk48/18A1 off a bridge in Iraq, I personally submerged a 7 Ton Truck up to the door handle in a snowy field on the Norwegian countryside, and my buddy Corporal Estrada slid the same 7 Ton truck into to the back of a tiny Volkswagon Golf on a slippery mountainside on the same Norwegian Deployment. 😬
I’ve seen vehicle use that could get someone killed, and a vehicle mishap that did. *If you’d like to learn more about that marine please click here!
No matter the vehicle mishap, I fully remember the signs that these types of troubles were more of a reality than initially believed.
The MK48 that flipped was preceded by a noticible hydraulic leak that was ignored and the operator bungee corded a jug of hydraulic fluid to the truck; “just in case”. I literally passed a “Do Not Turn In Field” Sign when I decided to flip a U-Turn in a snow covered Norwegian field instead of backing it down a long road because I wasn’t confident in my abilities to do that. And, those damn roads throughout Norway were slippery AF even for auto deflated tires. Estrada was bound to slide into either that Volkswagon or off a cliff. Glad he chose the Volkswagon!
Nonetheless, I’ve learned that taking the signs when presented seriously can save us from unnecessary trouble.
Every one of those events created some trouble and every one of those events could have been prevented.
The warning signs were there!
The young Lance Corporal who flipped her truck was badly injured in the accident, My truck had to be embarrassingly towed out by the Norwegian military, and we lost days of training sorting out an american military tactical vehicle crash with a Norwegian civilian POV. Trust me, those civilian vehicles don’t come with license plates or glove compartments.
The Segway!…………
Much like the roads we navigated in the Marines, navigating relationships come with their fair share of warning signs as well. Conversations with our partners are filled with subtle as well as those “leave me the F*** alone” cues that we sometimes brush off and ignore.
Ignoring these signs can lead to a catostrophic blow up. Yet, we often choose to take chances. Ignoring the warning signs that danger is most certainly lurking up ahead. Being oblivious and bulldozing through the signs may work sometimes, but most times it leads to a pile up, leaving us stuck in a mess we could have avoided.
So, why do we risk our relationships rather than gracefully stepping away at the first sign of trouble?
Is it pride, like the reason the Mk48/M18A1 slid on its side in Iraq?
Or perhaps a lack of skill like me when I chose an icy U-turn over backing up a trailer in Norway?
One thing is clear — these situations could have been avoided if us dads said NO to putting themselves and the people they care for at risk. Much like a construction worker flagging us down on the road so we don’t go crashing head first into others, sometimes we need to be our own flag waver and recognize the warning signs as they are presented to us.
I understand that following through is difficult so here are a few external things you can work on to ensure you are aware when you are being warned.
- Listen More — Usually your partner has been subtly hinting at all of the things that could be an issue. Listen with your ears, your eyes, and your questions to gain more of an understanding.
- Express More — Not just talking but really being honest about where you are. It’s ok if you feel embarrassed because something small triggered you. If your relationship is built around trust this should eventually feel safe.
- Trust More— Often times warning signs are presented at junctions of communication errors during the explanation of our feelings. Feeling misunderstood, disrespected, not taken seriously are all feelings of not trusting the other person to work through issues you have.
Before I wrap this up, let me emphasize that building trust in our relationships requires getting to know ourselves better and building trust with ourselves.
🍻Cheers To Being Watchful
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