Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare VS. Battlefield 1

In the war of war video games, only one war can war hard. The other war game is limp and bad, clearly. Obviously.

Let’s start with the awesome trailer. EA, whom we hate passionately, just released this mind-blowing trailer for the incredible new game Battlefield 1.

So after you’re done mopping yourself up from all the hype you jizzed out of your pores from that incredible trailer, get ready to puke on your parents and say “no one deserved this” and watch the godawful piece of shit trailer from Infinity Ward (whom we hate), for Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare.

Quick question class: Now that we killed the teachers and Rule the School, what is so bad about the CoD trailer and what is so awesome about the Battlefield trailer?

Let’s count the ways:

1. No space!
2. The horrendous, ear-splittingly shitty remake of “Seven Nation Army” including tone-deaf dubstep that makes me want to punch every 18-year-old boy in the face is not as bad as a hard rock cover of “Starman.” Bowie died, it’s too soon
3. I hope you understand that Battlefield 1 includes not space
4. My allegiance to one atavistic, killshot garbage, fuck-you-money machine over another is incredibly important
5. The guns in Battlefield 1 are throughout time. This is a time game, not space game, I’m dancing at the moment
6. When you shoot at a rubber man in a blast’em game, it should be Battlefield, you know? Not this disgraceful blammo guns CoD disaster.
7. No one has been to space, everyone has been through time — more realistic!
8. A seven nation army couldn’t hold me back BWEEEEP FWOOOSH

This should explain everything rather well. If you’re still confused, get out of the room Dad, I hate EA and they are my new dad now