I Used To Attach My Self-Worth to What Others Thought Of Me. Now I Attach It To An Angry Puma.

Things didn’t use to be too great for the ol’ Bri-guy. I was majorly bummed out a lot of the time, because I made the mistake of attaching my self-worth to what others thought of me. That’s hard to avoid in this day and age, where everyone’s got an opinion, a keyboard, and a comment box. I don’t know why, but I just can’t help but read them all again and again! Here’s just an example:

Thanks Caroline!! Didn’t mean to lump you in with mean comments

Anywho, sometimes I go for a walk in a park where no one else is around, and it’s just a good place to clear my head for a bit, and think about what darkness must look like if you can’t see anymore. I did that just yesterday, in fact.

That’s when I noticed a really angry puma stalking around the park, and so I chained my leg to his.

Snickers the Puma, my new measurement of happiness

It was slow-going at first, because I really thought this big angry cat was gonna eat me (why did I chain myself to him if I thought that? It happened pretty fast. Did I want that to happen? I can’t even remember). And I thought he was gonna go for me too, because he snarled and bared his teeth and even bit my leg a few times. However, I can tell he’s pretty smart just by the look in his eyes, and I think he started to realize that if he killed me, he’d have to drag my dead body everywhere.

Once we got over that awkward how-do-ya-do, things were off to the races! I learned that he loves chocolate, particularly Snickers. So I named him Snickers, in the hopes he’d like that. I really want Snickers to like his new candyman name, and I want him to like the choices I make for our relationship.

Frankly, if Snickers isn’t happy with it, then neither am I!

It’s great putting all my self-worth in a raging puma instead of other people. Snickers can’t come up with really biting insights as to why I should disappear. He just bites! It’s simple and direct, just the way I like it.

And talk about reconnecting with nature! Snickers has taught me to climb trees, hunt squirrels, and stay one step ahead of animal control. A lot of the time, that stuff involves frightening speed and reflexes, which I don’t really have. But he’s taught me how one would do these things, and those are lessons I’ll never forget.

One time I woke up with Snickers’ entire mouth surrounding my head. Life-changing.

I love this powerful rascal and his undulating shoulder blades, his night-time creep and the crisp-ity crunch of his hateful mouth.

How many face crinkles can one puma make? Chill out, Snickers! I love you, do whatever you want

Yes sir, things have changed a lot since I quit the internet for the good life. I’m at one with the planet, and my priorities have shifted completely from being loved by strangers to not seeing my own long intestine come falling out of my body. I was a big complainer, and now I’m a puma trainer!

Do not tell Snickers I said that. He didn’t hear that, right?

such beauty such grace

Good, I think he’s more focused on hot killmeat and screaming right now.

So yeah, if you’re getting down in the dumps and it doesn’t feel like you have a big support group, I suggest getting out there and seeing what else you can attach your self-worth to. It’s got to get attached to something, so it may as well be a ferocious snagglepuss.

Leave comments if you like, but I don’t care — unless they’re from Snickers, of course!!