The Best Place To Learn You Can’t Do Something

As crazy as it sounds, one of the most disappointing things I could do today, is Google something I am interested in learning. It seems that each time, I find a never ending string of blogs that seem to tell me explicitly that I shouldn't be doing it. The interesting part of all this, is it’s never done directly and it’s never done with writer taking responsibility for the statement.

The definition of passive aggressive behavior is essentially being aggressive and attacking someone indirectly or with a mechanism in place that avoids the responsibility of the attack. The internet is filled with it, and its everywhere.

The Good Ole Prerequisite

If your not good at Y then your not going to be able to learn X

I don’t see this one as often anymore, but it used to be quite common in the programming community. There were lots of, “if you don’t know differential equations then you will never understand the mathematical purity of Haskell,” type crap about. Think about it though. X almost never depends solely upon Y in anything. There is always a cognitive crap ton of other things that go into it. Can you learn writing, without being an English grad? Yep. Can you learn to snowboard without being able to skate? Yep.

The best part is, the writer wants you to learn it the way THEY did, or not at all. The whole time making your previous skill set the problem and not them.

The Precondition Of Thought

If you want to learn X because you think Y, then stop reading now

This is another, you can’t do it, but its not my fault statement. The most common of these is, “If you are learning this to make money, then you won’t be successful.” How insane is this statement really? It’s making an assumption that not only is the writer good enough to know whether you would be successful or not, they can tell exclusively by what your thinking or wanting (as long as you are only wanting one thing apparently).

Almost always, these are defensive statements. Usually from someone who had a really rough time learning how to get Y. Because it took them a long time, they either want it to take a long time with you or never happen at all. It’s a protection of both ego and entitlement.

The Bunghole Scientist

You can get Y by doing X, but it’s the 1% exception to the rule

Being someone logically and quantitatively oriented, I go crazy when people say crap like this. In person the conversation almost always goes like this:

“1%? Can I see the data you derived that from?”

“Uh. What you mean? It’s an expression.”

“Yeah, it’s an expression that just quantified that only 1% of the people that do X will get Y. I would like to know that for sure.”

“Oh. Well everyone knows that. I don’t have any data.”

“I didn't know that and which rule are you talking about?”

“Sorry?”

“Which rule is this being the exception to?”

“Your an asshole!”

But you see the dilemma right? Not only is the statistic completely pulled out of a bunghole (hence the name), the rule it’s the exception too isn’t even known. Worse, why is there a rule over such a trivial statement in the first place? There’s a rule that you can’t make money in basket weaving? Who enforces these rules?

Master Inducer

Everyone I've ever seen do X didn't get Y, therefore you can’t get Y from X

As stupid as this sounds being written down. You’ll hear this constantly. The best writers hide the statement and make you read between the lines to get it, but it’s usually there. They will tell you two or three specific instances of it not working and then conclude that it doesn't work. It works like this:

My sister tried to make money basket weaving and had to stop and get a real job….. My brother never made a dime doing it……… and I didn't even get a penny even after I quit my job to do it full time. If you think you’ll make money doing this you’re an idiot.

Funny. When I read this I think of a hundred more questions. What where you making? What was popular at the time? Was it part-time or full-time? How were you selling them? Where do you live? How did you advertise? What was the quality like? How many could you make per day? How did other people make money on (there are huge online markets)?

It all these questions were answered, the statement may come out like:

My sister couldn't sell any palm fawn baskets of Buddha holding a whale penis in Old Town, FL (population 500, mostly Baptist, rural). We had to rely on handwritten tear off ads at the local IGA bulletin board because door to door or online wasn't possible. My brother tried out where he lived (another small town), and I didn't even get a penny (online with craigslist and no advertising).

Insanely enough, this is only the beginning of what I read on a daily basis. The comments I read are much, much worse. ☺