RIP Jerry Doyle
Jerry Doyle passed away recently, on July 28, 2016. He wasn’t a huge star, but his role as Michael Garibaldi, the chief of security on Babylon 5, is how most people will recognize him. Babylon 5 ran from 1994 to 1998, but a few years later I had the fortune of running into Jerry in a bar at a hotel in San Jose. I was there for the 2001 Game Developers Conference, and as I learned later that evening, so was Jerry.
I’ll admit that I didn’t recognize him — I was never a big Babylon 5 fan, as my wife and I were more Star Trek fans, and Deep Space Nine was our space show of preference. He was just some older guy sitting at the bar nursing a drink, with his head in hand. I’ve never been a big drinker, so ordering at a bar was never something I felt at ease doing. I was standing there, with my money in my hand, waiting for the bartender to notice me so I could order my coke.
The bartender kept passing over me, and I was getting a bit frustrated. Jerry must have noticed. He flagged the bartended down, with little more than a casual nod, then told him to get me whatever I wanted, on his tab. I thanked him, a bit surprised, and told the bartender I wanted a coke, which made Jerry just shake his head while paying the bill.
As I waited for the bartender to bring me my drink, Jerry asked if I was ‘one of those video game guys’. I told him I was. He started telling me that he never played video games, and didn’t really see the appeal. But he understood it was big business, so congrats to me for doing so well for myself.
By this point I had taken a seat, both from being tired from standing waiting for my drink, and for feeling a bit awkward that I wasn’t being polite to this stranger trying to engage me in conversation.
I gather you don’t make video games, I told Jerry. And he nodded his head in agreement. What do you do? I asked.
Nowadays I try not to use that question. I’ve come to realize how insidious that question can be, after having it explained to me by some European friends of mine. What does it matter what I do? they responded, the first time I asked them. Does it make me a better person if I’m a doctor than if I’m a bus driver? Even after telling them that I wasn’t asking to decide how good a person they were, just that it was a good launching off point for a conversation, I began to understand how my good intentions didn’t change how loaded the question could be. I know better these days. It turns out “what do you LIKE to do” is a much better question, but that’s a whole different story…
I was on a TV show for a while, Jerry responded eventually, not exactly answering the question. The mental calculus in my head started — being on TV sounds cool, but I don’t recognize him so it couldn’t have been a very important show. He didn’t tell me what show, which means he assumes I know or he isn’t interested in me knowing. The very quick conclusion I draw is that he is an out of work actor, probably past his prime, finding his way to get through the day by drinking. Sure, why not spend a few more minutes chatting with him, I’ve got nothing better to do this very moment.
We chatted for a bit, which mostly composed of Jerry talking and me nodding my head. At some point I realized that I was just a convenient place holder, someone to make his rambling to himself seem less strange. Perhaps he genuinely wanted to share his story with me; whatever the reason, in just a few minutes Jerry told me how life worked, and what I, as a much younger man, needed to be careful of. Everything he said was just a bit sad, as if he was much older than he looked.
It’s bound to happen someday, Jerry was telling me. Someone will tap into the anger and fear that people left behind have. One minute you were doing fine, and the next your job is in jeopardy, your health is going downhill, and you look around see that everyone you loved is being left behind by folks different than you. That someone is going to rally people in ways that scare everyone else, and even powerful people won’t be able to stop them, because the ‘people’ will be behind them.
I had no idea how he had gotten to this topic, but then again I wasn’t making sense of much of what he said.
Jerry went on and on, describing how even America could fall prey to the tactics that have destroyed other enlightened countries. Remember Iran, he kept saying. We forget that before the revolution Iran was very western, as progressive in many ways as the US. But all that got wiped away by a small group of fanatics, whipping enough people into overthrowing their own government, and becoming the country we know today. Democracy in the US can fall the same way, in a revolution sparked by one demagogue charismatic enough to turn people’s fear and anger against their own self-interest.
He turned to look at me, pausing in his diatribe. Most of the time he had been staring at this drink, so it suddenly felt very intimate to have him turn and face me directly.
And here we are, worried about video games, he continued. Sometimes I think we’ve lost all perspective. I didn’t even want to be here, but my agent told me it would be an easy gig. Show up, sign some head shots, take some promo photos. Do none of you realize how fragile it all is? Do you even care?
With that he went back to looking at this drink, took a final swig, got up from his bar stool, and walked out. I just sat there, a bit stunned, when the bartender gave me a puzzled glance.
He must have had one too many, I told the bartender.
Nope, said the bartender. He ordered a Sprite, then just sat there alone until you showed up. You know who that was, don’t you? the bartender asked me.
I shook my head.
That was the security guy from Bablyon 5, that outer space show. That guy was a big star a few years ago. With that the bartender turned away, and was back to dealing with the rest of his customers.
I sat there, sipping my coke, thinking about what Jerry had said. The part about understanding how fragile it all was had hit just a bit too close to home for me. Being so wrapped up in my job I knew I wasn’t spending enough time with my wife, kindergartener, or my two year old. It was easy to think of work as being ‘important’, but deep down I knew that it wasn’t. Work was just a way to avoid the parts of my life that I didn’t really understand. Work made sense. Being home felt, well, fragile.
The rest of what Jerry said made no lasting impression on me, for many years. But now, 15 years older, with the world the way it is, Jerry Doyle’s death brought back the details of my very odd encounter with him. Now I see that discussion in a different light.
Thank you Jerry Doyle. Not just for your time in front of the camera, or your time later on in front of a mic — after Babylon 5 Jerry Doyle started EpicTimes, a radio show and podcast built on the premise that “it’s not left vs right, its right vs wrong!”. But also for ranting at me for a few minutes in bar, in a hotel, in San Jose, in 2001. At the time I heard it as a wakeup call about my life. Today I remember it as a warning that is so much bigger than myself. I’ll try to heed your words better this time. I promise.
Note: first shared with Facebook friends on July 28, 2016. With respect to Jerry Doyle, this is still a story, with parts grounded in reality, as with much of my writing.
