Follow the right group, or take a lead around wrong group

Trust yourself more than trust others

Does it matter to stay in my homeland for many years without any plans of trips out of the country? Of course, I am not planning to stay here for the rest of my life; I will definitely travel around the world in the future. “In the future,” is the key phrase here.

I have been hanging out with this one group for about five years, and what I have realized is that not many people of this group have an actual “future plan.” They usually get carried on the flow of what life brings, and unconsciously get caught on the flow, thinking they are doing right things. What I see is not what they see; what I think is not what they think. Also what I agree on or disagree on is not what they agree on or disagree on. For several years I have not gone to school due to my health disadvantage. They did not realize or possibly still have not figured that I have had heath disadvantage because those were all invisible. Mental illness followed by lack of organ and components of the body from surgeries I have been through when I was a child. They probably thought I was completely healthy, a little bit underweight, and just did not have motivation for life. However, I have changed. Now I have my goal, ambition, motivation, plan, and direction. Do they have anything like this? I doubt. Two of them happened to have a very good parents, or very irresponsible in an aspect, and have had their kids take care of their family business. One of them is just directly following his girlfriend’s demands and responding exclusively to that. The two others actually have a plan, but one of them was raised by a millionaire, and another lives out of town. Nonetheless, they are all present-people; they are not future-people like me.

Nowadays I always wonder why I was with this group when we nearly have nothing similar to each other. Perhaps it was my habit to adjust myself into people so that I could blend in. This habit was formed from my defense mechanism to expand my capacity of friends when I was younger and had no friends. They are typical Americans. Many are Asian Americans, but still have the similar interests as every other people. Their major interests are gambling, partying, doing illegal drugs, flirting, drinking, doing “bad” things like racing and modifying their cars, and excessively spending money of “cool” or “ballin’” stuff. My major interest lies on “how things work.” I feel that I am a lot more future-oriented and suited for business and excelling in life compared to them. Yet they speak about my future whether I have no future, life, friends, etc. When I try to give them advice, they listen but they won’t do whatever I have told them; yet they expect me to do everything they have told me. What do they think of me? A tool? A loser? A slave? When I tell stories about my interests, they always say either it is boring or they have no interest in them. Therefore I have realized why I am still hanging out with these guys. When we share no similar interests; when we share no similar thoughts; when I only exist to be made fun of or to be “trolled.” This is exactly why I have stopped hanging out with this group.

I believe that life is all about what I could get out of it. What I could do with it. What I could invent. What I could create. What I could cause, affect, or influence. That is why I go to school now, of course seriously, and in fact, I am getting very good grades, being called an “over-achiever” many times from classmates and professors. What about them? Still have no intention to achieve high, getting horrible grades and blaming on the external stimuli. My goal is to become an excellent engineer and invent something that gets me to the world of millionaire, or if possible, billionaire. They, of course, would like to become rich; however, do they really want to become? I doubt. Their thoughts and actions do not match, unless they are totally clueless and blinded. Is it possible to suddenly become wealthy? Do they believe in magic where they have done nothing and one day millions of money get delivered to their mailbox? These are all fantasies and should not happen no matter how our world becomes technologically advanced. Does it make one wealthy if one’s girlfriend is rather successful and one is absolutely not? I am sure that she is able to find someone better than a dude who is making $12 per hour when she is already making $40 per hour. Does it make one wealthy if one kept getting protection from parents and bragged about one’s title of “CEO” for years? I am sure one is doomed once parents pass away and one was forced to take on the entire company by oneself. Lastly, would I persistently follow them just to get pushed around and get called a “tool?” No.

It is, indeed, time for me to move on and focus on my future. I am done with all the childish play: partying, doing drugs and drinking. I am done with immature talk: mock each other to increase ego, gossip about people’s love and chat about who is “baller” or not. I am done with young dreamer’s expense: racing and modifying cars, cruising on canyons and going to vegas. I am now prepared to take the first leap. I am ready to go to school and make new friends who actually share similar interests. I am ready to take part in volunteering, scholarship and committees. I am ready to transfer out to colleges with higher education solely to increase my maximum capacity of knowledge and concentrate on my personal development. I am ready to graduate to high-paying job that requires degrees and high education. I am ready to look into the future, to have a career, to move out, to have a family and to have kids to carry on my legacy. I am done, and I am ready.

I am already moving on while they remain at the same place. I will become successful, and no one cannot stop me.

That, is the origin of my motivation that I have cultivated through this five years.

I am well aware that they have not changed ever since high school, but one thing that is clear is that I have changed.