Misfortune, strong will

Severe case of temporomandibular joint disorder

It’s been long since I have lost sense of satisfaction given by consuming food. I used to like eating, but not anymore. I used to feel the satisfaction out of eating, but not anymore. Satisfaction has been converted into gratitude, but seems like I might have a chance that I cannot even appreciate the greatness of food.

Back when I was young, I was able to eat anything. KFC, McD, hot dog, steak, gum, beef jerky, anything. Those are some of the food that I can no longer consume. TMJ (temporomandibular joint disorder) normally occurs in females; however, because I was born with severe underbite, after the process of fixing, it left a long-term after effect of TMJ. It was fine for the first 5 years, but during junior year in high school, my jaw suddenly cracked, which left me in immense pain. Ever since that day, it halted me from eating anything chewy, crunchy, or that requires me to munch for a while. Now I need to finish my meal within half an hour. Whenever I go to restaurants, I am not able to eat more than half of the dishes on the menu. Basically, I was handicapped except it was not physically visible. Sooner or later, as I grew up, food became nothing more than “necessity” that I shall not overeat just because I can, or eat less just because I feel like it. This element became a source of my strong will.

Recently my jaw “cracked” once again, and now I am unable to eat any more than 20 minutes. It seems like I am doomed, but surprisingly, I really can care less. I am actually ready to switch my diet to liquid food for life. I would be able to save more money by completely stop eating out. I will be able to take more control of my body by preparing how much bottles of liquid food I need to have and holding mysef back from immediate comfort like drinking alcohol or at parties, celebrations, etc. I suppose if this happens to others who could eat perfectly fine, they might go insane or at least get depressed. I am rather impressed in myself how if I consider things to be “necessities,” I will take anything to prepare them and stick to it. I’m not even sad or anything.

I suppose I have become strong.