Shit Job Descriptions Say
In a world where products, purpose, and productivity are not enough, companies take on the task to change the world! The effort to ‘attract and retain talent’ has resulted in an arms race in branding and hilarity within job descriptions is at an all-time high. Below are some examples on themes I’m sure you’ve come across — bask in the glory of Our Mission, young applicant!
We’re looking for an entrepreneurial self-starter with strong instincts and true conviction, a CEO of product with a bias towards action. If you’ve got 7+ years of experience and a can-do attitude that just won’t quit, then we want to talk to you!
Candidate should be highly coachable and willing to adjust as needed.
We’re a fast-growing, VC-funded startup disrupting the multi-billion dollar [insert industry here] — we ONLY care about what the data tells us and what you can build!
MBAs from top-tier business schools strongly preferred.
This highly-visible and strategic role will have a direct impact on the innovation we’re delivering to market.
‘Junior Social Media Specialist’
Calling all #Java #Python #Ruby Ninjas, Wizards, and Gurus!
Wait I’m sorry, I have to stop here: are companies hiring candidates to build stuff or are they assembling fucking Dungeons & Dragons adventure parties?
