Life in 10 tracks #9: Armand Van Helden feat. Duane Harden — U Don’t Know Me

The importance of setting and keeping boundaries

One of my lifelong struggles has been around boundaries.

I am by nature a people pleaser, and for a lot of my life instinctively assume responsibility for things that aren’t mine to be responsible for.

Whilst I’ve had to learn how to manage this as I’ve progressed in my career and I’m proud of where I’ve got to with it, on the inside it does take its toll and I actively have to manage my stress levels. Setting boundaries naturally can and does cause conflict which noone likes, so it really does take some work. I did a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) last year and that helped because it’s all about challenging beliefs.

Anyway, when picking out this track, I thought particularly of the inner monologue I have with myself when I’ve established a boundary and it has caused friction with people who perhaps were more used to my people-pleasing nature:

And when I try to move on up,
They always pulling me down,
I’m tired and I’ve had enough,
It’s my life,
And I’m living it now.

Little by little I’m getting there outside of work, and doing so constructively.

It’s hard at times though.