I Quit a Book
A Nod to Kubler-Ross and Triviality
It’s something we don’t talk about — not liking what they like. It makes us different and different is not good. They don’t tell you as much, but you can see it in the way they watch you walk through the grocery store, drive your okay-ish car, and sip your mineral water. They don’t talk to you. Or, if they do, it’s superficial and they would rather leave you alone. They think you’re too “out there” and they would prefer to avoid even loose association.
But, somewhat surprisingly, you’re okay. You and they have little in common and pretending otherwise is silly.
Then there are them. Them tell you that you’re not different enough and that makes you very not good. Them don’t watch you walk through the grocery store, drive your okay-ish car, or sip your mineral water. Them may talk to you, but only to hear themselves tell you how not good you are. Or, if them don’t, it’s because you’re too superficial and them would rather leave you alone. Them think you’re not “out there” enough and them would prefer to avoid even loose association.
This is my middle class — living between they and them. I’ve always known this place to exist, but I’ve never known my relative position to until now.
This is my existential nightmare and it started last week when I quit a book. I put 100 pages of my life into a book, but it wasn’t for me and I had to step away. At first, I felt a little guilty. How could you do such a thing? Don’t you know that that book is supposed to be amazing? Who are you to put amazingness down?
Then I got a little angry. Who are you to tell me what to read? You’re stupid and I’m amazing.
Now, I’m just depressed. God, I’m the worst. There is no hope for me. Cowboy up and go be an accountant. Or, just stop reading. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’m the worst, remember?
It’s really quite terrible. But, if I can’t read, why not bake cookies?
Do people in the middle like cookies? Stop being weird. Of course the middle, not to mention Kubler-Ross, like cookies!
Go bake some cookies and, while you’re at it, grab a new book. It doesn’t have to be anything special. In fact, it’s probably better that it be something not special. Just have fun and don’t stress. That’s why you read in the first place, remember?
So, I’m middle and last week I quit a book. But, that’s okay because I, we, still have cookies.
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