Ego or belief? A post about self doubt.

In the middle of night as I tried hopelessly to sleep, it all seemed to clear in my head. As I put fingers to keys to clear my usually stress-free brain of it all, the only thing I can think of its the words “self doubt”. Just type.

This feeling of self doubt is foreign, at least in my adult life creating things. I’ve backed myself and my gut. It’s got me far and kept my health tracking startup running on fumes. It’s going better than ever, but seems more hopeless than ever.

For nearly 30 months now I’ve switched from designer, to product manager to marketing, accounting, hiring (as if we had money to do so), courting investors — everything you need to do to scrap in the early days. 30 months seems like a lot of early days. A platform that knows more about your persons health than any other, and crunches that data to train you like a trainers, nutritionists and health coaches would — that was the dream. It is the dream.

This next update is big, but so was the last one.
The trough of sorrow sucks.
Doing something big is fucking hard.

Do I keep backing myself?
What if it’s a good update that users like? Then what?
How do we pay the next round of bills?
Has the game got away from me?
Are our gains too late and too small in a market now saturated with ‘good enough’ competitors?
If we could only find that developer to join the team in a more serious capacity. Would things be different?
If not BodyWise, then what?
Is solving the problem a mission I could just give up on?
Is it just ego driving me now?

Hell, do I even press publish on this post? 10 others like it sit in my drafts.

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