No Self-Help Course Is Going to Save Her from Divorcing You
I thought it was my job to save our marriage and win her back. Actually, it isn’t. It was the opposite.
It seems counter-intuitive why someone would want to back away from fixing a broken marriage.
I remembered attending a self-help marriage course to figure out how to fix my failing marriage.
A few of the key things that I learned was that the more you try to fix the problems, the more you would end up separating.
It was not about winning her back by gratifying her or wooing her back into your life but by focusing on yourself.
I practiced the following
- Treat me the way I want to be treated by others.
- By working on my strengths
- By giving it time and patience
So that’s what I did and for the next 3 months.
After that, I became more aware. I found a new way of accepting that my life was not revolved just around marriage but everything else.
I started to notice that, no matter what I did, she still filed for separation. We were already on different paths before I even began this journey.
That concluded that even though while she was a big influence and a part of my life, we were never meant to stay on the same path forever. I was already on the brink of separation, and finally, I was able to accept my situation.
I was definitely naive back then thinking that if I just worked the course, everything will become normal.
But this isn’t some fantasy love bullshit story like you see in the movies. In this story, there’s a chance that your partner isn’t anymore interested.
Sometimes, things uncover themselves in another way you didn’t expect.
I tell you what did happen.
- I uncovered a more painful truth — she was having an affair and her own set of messed-up problems.
- It would have been far more damaging if I stayed.
- I figured I was better off without her.
There’s also another demon I had to face.
My mental well-being.
I wasn’t ready for the emotions that I would still surface after she still decided to proceed with the divorce. I tried to contain myself but the truth is I fell apart too. (broken nights and depressed days)
Before that, I thought in theory that I would handle it like a man but this is so not true. I was broken as shit even though I had accepted it.
Being a man married with one kid has its own issues, there was a lot to think about such as who has custody over the kid, who takes control of the house, visitation rights, and unfortunately for me, we were no longer having proper discussion.
These also invited another set of situation that came with it — visitation rights, court cases to attend, and you will have to face these until your child grow up and learn to take his own course in life.
It took me a lot of self pep talk, being ok with not being ok to prepare for my journey moving forward.
I write this again, it was meant to prepare my journey moving forward.
I had to experience pain, betrayal, and a month’s worth of picking my broken pieces forward all alone to be okay and realized my self-worth.
It wasn’t an easy one but it was necessary.
At the end of the day, no self-help talk is going to save her from divorcing you. You have to be mentally strong to get through the days.
