Support For Men Is Considered Taboo but it will Soon Change
Let’s talk about support for single dads going through a divorce. They exist in the dark.
At the end of my online session on co-parenting after divorce, I noticed that there was plenty of information given, but something was disturbing.
It was mentioned in a slide where support in a form of activities was provided to single mothers who have care and control of the child given professional help. There was also support for children aged 6–12, but there was no mention of support for dads.
It got me thinking as to whether there is a lack of support for men is because men themselves do not want to be seen and perceived as weaker than their counterparts.
Because of this, a study shows that men who struggle with finding a solution to their problems have a higher risk of committing suicide than women.
“With fewer coping mechanisms and weak support networks, men are actually more vulnerable and easily overwhelmed by feelings of desperation and hopelessness.”
While there are plenty of generic resources given on what to do after divorce, I wonder if there is still a big taboo in the ability for men to learn like women to find support and talk about their emotions openly.
If we take from an approach of men who actually learn to deal with these problems, it is often because they knew someone who had gone through a similar path and survived.
Not every man has the ability to be able to express themselves openly. A lot more others are uncomfortable with being approached and talk about vulnerabilities.
Men rarely talk about their feelings especially around sensitive topics, unless it’s with a professional or a doctor. By then, a lot of damage has been done before a man realizes he needs the support.
This has to change holistically as an approach, where healthy conversations around masculinity and help for men should be brought up.
An emerging trend around support for men’s mental health space is beginning to surface, like an example, a group called Mantor, a support group for men in Asia that provides workshops, curated content for men, and a community of supporting individuals who are also seeking for help.
I would take this opportunity to share my own vulnerabilities and I urge you to share your story.
I got married at 24 and had my son that same year. I couldn’t possibly relate to people around my age at the time and had to go online to look for resources or ask my parents how they do it.
I also took references from the women’s community. I struggled at knowing what to do to actually prepare for a family.
Throughout my emotional rollercoaster ride in my divorce process, I was also trying to find people I could relate to. I ended up searching for things like ‘how to move on after divorce for men’ and ended up getting answers like go for a walk, do healthy self-care activities, and the do’s and don’t of life after divorce.
I was particularly ashamed at reaching out for help. I didn’t know anyone who has the same issue as I do, and that’s why I struggled a lot.
It is however because of this social conformity that exists within men, that we rarely talk deeply about our problems because we don’t want to be seen as weak or helpless.
But as much as I want to go about handling your problems alone, I was lonely and I craved help and people who would understand how I felt.
I just needed someone who would be able to understand how I feel and talk about things without judgment.
Self-care as a single dad is to recognize is that it is not about putting aside all feelings of the past but learning to manage and find the right help.
In conclusion
Typically I clam up when someone asks me about my divorce but after learning to talk openly about my vulnerabilities, more men have come alongside me to share about themselves to the situation.
In a future world, men would talk about their vulnerabilities and commend it as bravery.
I hope that more people would open up to encouraging men to speak out and more awareness about the ideal idea of masculinity can be seen as a norm and also a form of bravery.
This very reason for opening up half the battle and is support in itself.
