Introspection: A Precursor to Successful Relationships

Like Erykah Badu’s song, Tyrone, “I’m [a creative] and I’m sensitive about my sh**” and this message is truly an inside to my soul with hopes that it reaches yours.

When will I discover what I need to have a successful relationship?

This question is answered in the present tense. We are in search of relationships that add value to our lives and not backslide into a space that we want to exit.
The magic that is establishing a successful relationship is that your person should bring out attributes that you did not know that was innately in you. Your gifts, your presence, and your skills. Realizing this person helps you see yourself and your relationships in a different light. Successful relationships help you to improve yourself. This begins the process to a true successful relationship.

What are my false connections?

These “false connections” are our failed relationships. These failed relationships sparked, then died as quickly as it began. The deeper question is, why did this connection become false or a fallacy of some sorts?

What are my real connections?

“Real connections” can seem fixed and predictable. These connections occur when you are in spaces where you feel comfortable, safe, and your true authentic self without wondering what the person receiving my emotions think.

With my real connections, do I understand their limitations?

Short answer, yes. Of course, we able to see the flaws of people. The long answer is, no. Understanding people’s limitations, truly capturing an understanding of someone’s limitations is difficult and often times courageous. Courageous in a sense where understanding someone’s limitations is about investing in that relationship. An investment takes courage, patience, and time. The deeper question is, are you able to emotionally deposit the distrust, trauma, hurt, and failed connections that they have had in their past?

Why do I want to “stick it out” with [toxic] relationships?

As someone who has a village who has sacrificed so much for me and who has seen me at my weakest points, who am I to not do the same for others? For me, this is me paying it forward for the other person because it has happened to me. If these individuals within my village stuck it out for me, why can I not do it for others? This return on investment is essentially what we want.

What am I fostering when it comes to generating successful relationships?

When answering this question, I follow the platinum rule, “treat people how they want to be treated.” Additionally, ask yourself, are you fostering love, trust, and true empathy of how your person wants to be treated? Are you in this game of finding a partner to grow with someone or for your own personal gain?

Am I focused only on my wants in terms of successful relationships?

Focusing on your wants seems simple. For example, you could identify your wants for someone as: intellectual, professional, spontaneous, and fun. Are you focused only on your wants because identifying your needs are difficult?

Am I tapping into my needs for a successful relationship?

Tapping into your needs is difficult because in order to have a successful relationship you have to take into account the requisite that it is coupled with it. This requisite is taking a deeper dive into someone’s soul. It requires a level of care that you must be willing to give to someone.

Do I want a successful relationship or do I simply have the desire to connect with someone?

In the words of Andre 3000’s, Love Hater, “…don’t nobody want to grow old and lonely,” so asking yourself, do you simply want a person in your life or someone who you truly connect with. This begins entering a relationship with intention. Are you entering a relationship for friendship, romance, intimacy, marriage, or a combination of all of these? However, if your person does not fall into any of these categories, are you courageous enough to let them know and ultimately, let them go.

A belletrist who is writing from his own experiences.

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