My dear lad…..
You know that saying about getting outside your comfort zone? Here’s my personal reply to that -don’t do it. Not if you’re neither ready nor willing. It’s called your comfort zone for a reason. You put out there what you feel okay with, and leave the rest until it’s good and ready.
Another thing I like to say — I got lots of sayings — is that if being skinny were easy, there would be no Lane Bryant or Big&Tall stores. Just threw that in there for comic relief.
If I knew the answer to what made me go one way in the face of adversity and others go another, I’d put Tony Robbins behind the counter of a Starbucks for rent money. I honestly don’t. Was my taking charge and taking burdens off my brothers cause their addiction problems? For the youngest, maybe. For the middle one, he didn’t live with us enough for that to affect him. Hence, the genetic component.
I’m not special, Gordon. I’m just me. Someone once gave me a TShirt that said ‘Crisis Manager’ on it. I have the ability to lock up my emotions and deal with immediate problems, until I have the time to unlock the box and do what I need to do. It’s not pretty when that box gets opened. But I make sure no one is around to witness it.
I feel that you have opened up your box a bit just now? How did it feel for you to do that in front of total strangers? Did you write some of it, put it away, write some more, think about it, and then send it out? How did you feel afterwards? No, you don’t have to answer in public, but you can if you feel okay about it. I’m more interested in letting you answer those questions to yourself. A little discomfort is okay. Sometimes, it’s like pulling a splinter out — hurts a bit but then there is relief.
And healing. Don’t ever forget that part.
Tell what you want, when you want. I can’t promise to always be here right away -ranching isn’t an easy life, and sometimes it can be downright chaotic — but I will get back to you. Always.
Right now, gotta get the Hellhounds fed so I can get to work. It’s snowing up here, but it isn’t much, and it will be just rain in the valley, but I still need to leave earlier than normal.
Your journey is every ongoing, Gordon. Remember to live forward, not backward.
Peace in, my brother.