In the late night….
I woke up in a panic. She wasn’t next to me and I felt for her in utter terror. The pangs of fear burning deep into my stomach. My heart raced as I rolled over. I slowly come to remembering that her next to me was a work of fiction. A fiction now told by a clock that only now runs backward. If I had a knife I’d cut those memories straight out of my mind and place them on a canvas so others may feel what I already know. However the knowing doesn’t quite cover it. So…Well… What does cover the spread? To be honest nothing.
Now it is a haunting I welcome.
A muse for inspiration.
A nervous laugh of the foolish.
I suspect there will be many more nights like this. Nights being overrun by the wishes of a heart that hasn’t realized its no longer needed. I often play to close to her fence. Ever so often wanting to peak over and see but I know I can’t take the truth. The worst of it all is….. our scenes play in my head like the trailer of your favorite movie.
All the action. all the love. All the laughs. Her touch.
These thoughts are accompanied by a soundtrack. Oh and believe me life has a soundtrack. One that will knock you to your knees when you least expect it. Some days I want to forget so desperately forget but at the same time I like the misery because it is all I have left of her as sad as it is. I know she isn’t coming back but i’m to afraid to forget her and our adventures in love. She was magic in the way you cant explain something but yet it makes you smile. She was my person notice I used the word WAS. If you are reading this don’t leave any space for confusion. Do not leave any space for problems. Give her every reason to stay. Be warned dont be like so many of us who now can’t find their up.
You will be doomed and cursed to review and think what if and how come.
Waking up in a panic I feel the terror and it is utterly blinding. Not from the fear of the unknown but due to what I know which is plain and simple she isn’t next to me.