Mark Armstrong – Medium

Mark Armstrong

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Hope, Healing, and Humour

Ode To Aunt Gert, How My Stomach Doth Hurt

A shocking tale of deadly sweetmeats and holiday gluttony

Dec 25, 2024

Cartoon illustration by Mark Armstrong. Guy sitting at table, looking sick. In front of him, a glass of eggnog and a plate covered with fruitcake crumbs. He’s holding his stomach and belching. His face is covered with bumps and blotches of red, green, and gold. The fruitcake he just ate has given him candied zits.

Dec 25, 2024

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Published in
Microcosm

A Tale of the Two Cities Saloon

It was the best of prompts, it was the worst of prompts

Dec 19, 2024

Illustration by Mark Armstrong. Sherlock Holmes smoking his pipe. In the cloud of smoke you can see caricatures of famous people including mountain climber Sir Edmund Hillary, country singer Jimmy Dean, cook Julia Child, actor and director Orson Welles, mime Marcel Marceau, humor poet Ogden Nash, author Charles Dickens, cartoon mascot Mr. Clean, actress Karen Allen, Greek mathematician Eratosthenes, and actor Sheldon Leonard.

Dec 19, 2024

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Published in
Thought Thinkers

I Was Afraid to Ride The Dragon and Always Wound Up in the Duck

I finally told someone about my coin-operated childhood trauma

Dec 11, 2024

Illustration by Mark Armstrong. Two kids, boy and girl, riding mechanical kiddie rides like you’d find outside a supermarket or shopping mall. Boy is sitting in a small yellow duck, girl is riding a big ugly dragon that’s shaking and belching smoke and fire. Boy looks embarrassed and depressed, girl is laughing hard.

Dec 11, 2024

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Published in
Tantalizing Tales

Death Stalks the Mistletoe Mall

Sometimes it takes attempted murder for true love to blossom

Dec 7, 2024

Cartoon illustration by Mark Armstrong. Guy playing Santa Claus at shopping mall. Little girl sitting on his knee, other kids standing in line waiting for their turn. Santa suspects the little girl might be an assassin sent to kill him. He’s saying to her: “Are you the killer? If you’re the killer, I’m gonna hafta put you on the Naughty List…”

Dec 7, 2024

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Published in
Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

The 12 Fears of Christmas

’Tis the season to be anxious and afraid

Dec 20, 2023

Guy in Santa hat standing on street corner at night. He’s terrified. He’s surrounded by eyeballs that are watching him out of the darkness. Street sign says he’s on the corner of Fear and Failure. A beady-eyed vulture is peering down at him from the top of the sign.

Dec 20, 2023

Published in
Microcosm

The Boisterous Birth of Chutney Curd

He acted out even before he was out

18h ago

Illustration by Mark Armstrong. Doctor delivering baby in hospital. Doctor is holding baby upside-down by his feet. Baby is spitting in the doctor’s face. Doctor wants to help baby take his first breath. Doctor is asking nurse for the BIG paddle so he can whack baby’s buttocks. Nurse is handing doctor a huge paddle that says “Butt-Wacker.”

18h ago

Published in
Microcosm

Fronds With Benefits

Sometimes it pays to keep a low profile at parties

Jan 7

The scene: a party at someone’s apartment. Mix of men and women partygoers in foreground. They’re drinking and talking and laughing. In the background a very fat man is standing in the shadows behind a potted palm. He’s wearing a lampshade on his head and eating an enormous platter of food.

Jan 7

Published in
The Haven

Christmas Cards That Even Made The Grinch Giggle

Funny cards for folks with good taste who want to send the best

Nov 27, 2024

Cartoon illustration by Mark Armstrong. Oliver Twist meets The Magi who are sitting at booths selling gold, frankincense, and myrrh at a Christmas Fair. Oliver is holding out his bowl and saying, “Please, sir — can I have some MYRRH??”

Nov 27, 2024

Published in
Microcosm

Snake Eyes On The Prize

You might say he’s got skin in the game

Nov 20, 2024

Cartoon illustration by Mark Armstrong. Interior of consignment store for snakes. Bin labelled “Donations” is full of old snakeskins that have been dropped off. Rack next to it says “New Arrivals” and has an array of snakeskins hanging on pegs. Snake wearing a new snakeskin and a fedora is slithering by with a self-satisfied grin on his face.

Nov 20, 2024

Published in
Tales of Blue

The Longing: Oh, To Be One of Them

The unbearable lightness of butterflies

Nov 12, 2024

Illustration by Mark Armstrong. Outdoor scene. Worm on rock, looking up into sky. Above her a dozen butterflies are frolicking in the air. The butterflies are airy and light, with brilliant colors. The worm is looking up at them, and smiling sadly. She wishes she could be like them, and a tear is rolling down her cheek.

Nov 12, 2024

Mark Armstrong

Mark Armstrong

Friend of Medium

I’m a writer and illustrator. I write about marketing and communication. I also do humor pieces. I help brands get noticed. markarmstrongillustration.com

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