Mark Armstrong – Medium

Mark Armstrong

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Jailbreak In Progress

Shh-shh! Please — don’t tell the warden!

Feb 14

Funny illustration by Mark Armstrong. Convict in prison. He’s wearing stripes. Looks sad and mournful. Instead of bars, he’s behind a barbed wire fence. Strung along the wire are words meaning “confined” or “in jail.” Words like imprison, detain, lock up, hem in, hold captive, trapped like a rat, caged, bagged, put on ice, etc.

Feb 14

Pinned

One Way to Audition for an Assignment

Meet Your Target Audience on Their Own Turf

Jul 27, 2017

A young woman model in her underwear is attempting to shake hands with a lumpy dress on a display stand.

Jul 27, 2017

Pinned

Growing an Entrepreneurial Culture

You Have to Allow People to Fail

Jun 7, 2017

Rock band sprouting from earth like flowers, being watered by a small watering can in the shape of an iPod. Worm is recoiling from the group in shock.

Jun 7, 2017

Pinned

Published in
Microcosm

The Boisterous Birth of Chutney Curd

He acted out even before he was out

Jan 18

Illustration by Mark Armstrong. Doctor delivering baby in hospital. Doctor is holding baby upside-down by his feet. Baby is spitting in the doctor’s face. Doctor wants to help baby take his first breath. Doctor is asking nurse for the BIG paddle so he can whack baby’s buttocks. Nurse is handing doctor a huge paddle that says “Butt-Wacker.”

Jan 18

Pinned

Published in
Microcosm

A Tale of the Two Cities Saloon

It was the best of prompts, it was the worst of prompts

Dec 19, 2024

Illustration by Mark Armstrong. Sherlock Holmes smoking his pipe. In the cloud of smoke you can see caricatures of famous people including mountain climber Sir Edmund Hillary, country singer Jimmy Dean, cook Julia Child, actor and director Orson Welles, mime Marcel Marceau, humor poet Ogden Nash, author Charles Dickens, cartoon mascot Mr. Clean, actress Karen Allen, Greek mathematician Eratosthenes, and actor Sheldon Leonard.

Dec 19, 2024

Published in
Microcosm

Fronds With Benefits

Sometimes it pays to keep a low profile at parties

Jan 7

The scene: a party at someone’s apartment. Mix of men and women partygoers in foreground. They’re drinking and talking and laughing. In the background a very fat man is standing in the shadows behind a potted palm. He’s wearing a lampshade on his head and eating an enormous platter of food.

Jan 7

Published in
Hope, Healing, and Humour

Ode To Aunt Gert, How My Stomach Doth Hurt

A shocking tale of deadly sweetmeats and holiday gluttony

Dec 25, 2024

Cartoon illustration by Mark Armstrong. Guy sitting at table, looking sick. In front of him, a glass of eggnog and a plate covered with fruitcake crumbs. He’s holding his stomach and belching. His face is covered with bumps and blotches of red, green, and gold. The fruitcake he just ate has given him candied zits.

Dec 25, 2024

Published in
Thought Thinkers

I Was Afraid to Ride The Dragon and Always Wound Up in the Duck

I finally told someone about my coin-operated childhood trauma

Dec 11, 2024

Illustration by Mark Armstrong. Two kids, boy and girl, riding mechanical kiddie rides like you’d find outside a supermarket or shopping mall. Boy is sitting in a small yellow duck, girl is riding a big ugly dragon that’s shaking and belching smoke and fire. Boy looks embarrassed and depressed, girl is laughing hard.

Dec 11, 2024

Published in
Tantalizing Tales

Death Stalks the Mistletoe Mall

Sometimes it takes attempted murder for true love to blossom

Dec 7, 2024

Cartoon illustration by Mark Armstrong. Guy playing Santa Claus at shopping mall. Little girl sitting on his knee, other kids standing in line waiting for their turn. Santa suspects the little girl might be an assassin sent to kill him. He’s saying to her: “Are you the killer? If you’re the killer, I’m gonna hafta put you on the Naughty List…”

Dec 7, 2024

Published in
The Haven

Christmas Cards That Even Made The Grinch Giggle

Funny cards for folks with good taste who want to send the best

Nov 27, 2024

Cartoon illustration by Mark Armstrong. Oliver Twist meets The Magi who are sitting at booths selling gold, frankincense, and myrrh at a Christmas Fair. Oliver is holding out his bowl and saying, “Please, sir — can I have some MYRRH??”

Nov 27, 2024

Mark Armstrong

Mark Armstrong

Friend of Medium

I’m a writer and illustrator. I write about marketing and communication. I also do humor pieces. I help brands get noticed. markarmstrongillustration.com

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