Amen to this article!
I’m 33, married for 9 years, and do not have children (yet). The comments only seem to get worse as you get older.
It is the FURTHEST thing from selfish when you decide to wait until you are ready to have them, or to take time to reflect and examine which path is best.
I’m not against having children, but for many years my husband and I simply did not have the resources or the desire to care for a baby.
Imagine this:
You live at a place with an outdoor swimming pool. It’s summertime. Swimming sounds nice. But there is a raging overhead thunderstorm AND you have a lot to do that day. Someone keeps telling you how swimming is so good for your health, so much fun, you should do it, you’re missing out if you don’t, summer is gonna be over soon.
You’re not against it but now is not the best time. I mean, should you really jump in an outdoor pool amidst a raging thunderstorm and ignore your other obligations just because swimming is something you might like to do, or should you maybe wait until the storm passes and you’ve fulfilled specific things you set out to accomplish that day?
Even then, shouldn’t you first make sure you’re going because it’s what you want to do, not because of peer pressure, and also do research to make sure you’re prepared?
That’s how I personally felt for years about having kids.
I’ve heard some of those same comments that you listed, and it’s annoying to say the least.
As for selfishness:
There are selfish and selfless people, and everything in between. There are parents and non-parents. To complicate things further: some planned things that way; some did not. Being a parent in itself doesn’t make you selfless, and more than choosing to be childfree makes you selfish. There are lots good and wonderful parents, but there are also neglectful or abusive parents.
There are childfree people who do amazing things with their life, and their career, and they work to make the world a better place.
There are people who want kids and can’t have them, and there are people who become parents unexpectedly but do right by their children and raise them with love.
So the selfless/selfish dichotomy just doesn’t work.
Whether someone is or isn’t a parent is not a yardstick with which to measure their goodness or selflessness.
You have the right to make the choice you feel is best.
Thank you for your article.
