To the woman who dreams of adopting a daughter….

This story, “My Dream of Having an Adopted Daughter,” resonated with me.

Maureen R. Proksel
Aug 27, 2017 · 5 min read

In the story, the author, Deborah Kristina, writes:

“ I feel a strong need, too, to inspire a child to do good.”

“I’m interested in giving a human being the best life that I know how. I strongly feel something just envisioning raising a daughter to have high-esteem and to possess the character to deal with life’s shortcomings but still be motivated enough to do good in the world and, most of all, to be sure to do good for herself and to allow only the good ones into her life.”

Me too. That’s some deep thinking.

I don’t just want to conceive or adopt a baby and then not care how it turns out. You have an impact on the world, for better or worse, when you bring a child onto this earth. You affect all the people this child interacts with. You can raise someone who makes a positive difference in people’s lives, or you can raise someone who does harm and makes others’ lives harder. It’s a big responsibility, and quite possibly one of life’s most important decisions.

Maybe it’s because it’s well after 1:00 am, my husband is asleep, our little Midwestern rural town is asleep, and that’s always when my mind is wide awake. Maybe it’s because I’m a writer, and this is when I do my best work, or because in the two years since I turned 30, I’ve thought quite a bit about being a parent and I do a lot of my parenting research at night.

Either way, articles and blog posts about parenting (or wanting to parent, or wrestling with the to-do-or-not-to-do-it decision) always catch my eye. I’m trying to learn as much as I can and gather as many perspectives as possible.

Unfortunately, my husband and I are not currently at a point in life where we have the resources to devote to parenting, so we’ve had to take steps to make sure that doesn’t happen, at least not now.

I was only 21 when I met my husband, and we got married about 2 & 1/2 years later. Having children was a “someday” thing. My entire adult life and childbearing years were still ahead of me, and I wasn’t worried about it. The pressing goal was to finish my journalism degree.

But recently, the “not now, later” attitude I’ve had towards parenting has shifted. The thought of raising a child seems less like a burden and more like a tough but rewarding experience.

Recently, I’ve read a lot (from reputable websites, of course) about being a parent. Everything from conceiving the child to raising it once it arrives.

I read every reputable piece of information I could find about conception, pregnancy and childbirth (even what the web has to say about childbirth hasn’t scared me off). I Googled how to prepare, and what it’s like, and how to introduce a cat to a new baby. I read about adoption, and I learned just how expensive it is and what a long process it can be to adopt a child. I read up on what to do once the miniature human arrives in the household. What do I do in order to make sure the little human learns to talk? How exactly do I raise it to ensure it knows it is loved unconditionally, but at the same time has self-discipline and respect for others? I’ve read whatever I have come across about raising kids in the social media age and how to talk to them about what’s going on in today’s world.

It doesn’t seem all that hard to make sure our cat knows her humans love her to death. We shower her with affection constantly, and make sure she always feels safe. We feed her the best quality food we can find, and I also read all I could about how to be a wonderful guardian to a cat. I ask my veterinarian all sorts of questions. She’s made leaps and bounds in terms of progress since we adopted her from a rescue shelter, and I firmly believe it’s because she is now in a forever home where she knows she is safe and loved.

Of course it’s different, but i’m pretty sure I can do that for a mini human, too. I want to raise a human to respect him or herself, respect other humans, and to develop a concern for the environment, animals and social justice. I am looking forward guiding another human through life and teaching them how to navigate the earth. I can’t wait for him or her to come to me and ask me random questions, whether they’re a preschooler wondering why grass is green or a teenager with really tough questions.

“Mom! Why do cats meow?”

“Mom! Why do I have to go to school?”

“Mom, why did people vote for that racist guy for president back in 2016?”

Maybe I’ll be getting myself in over my head with the tough life questions. Who knows. But life isn’t always easy and sometimes the world doesn’t make sense, and i’m not afraid to tell this to any future child of mine. I’m won’t be afraid to tell them, either, that Mom (and Dad) don’t have all the answers, but we’ll do the best we can.

Just yesterday, I read an article written by a father who was hesitant to talk to his son about some very, very poor examples of people who are currently in the headlines. In the end of the article, the father said that he had the tough talk with his son, because he didn’t want the son to think that the infamous words and actions of a certain prominent politician were in any way acceptable. Having to address an awkward topic was the better alternative to the son thinking that harmful, unethical things were acceptable, he reasoned.

The idea of having such talks with my future kids doesn’t scare or intimidate me at all. They’re going to learn about the world — the good, the bad and the very, very ugly — either way, and I’d prefer them to learn their morals and ethics from me, not from any type of media. And when the tough, awkward questions come up, the choice is a no-brainer: they can get an answer from me or they can try to piece together information from Google and their peers.

I hope one day I have the opportunity to guide a young human through life and into adulthood, whether it’s my own biological child or an adopted one. And I hope this woman, this fellow hopeful-mom, is one day in a situation where she has the resources and capability to raise another human and give him or her the best chance possible at a productive, fulfilling life.

)

Maureen R. Proksel

Written by

Millennial wife with a journalism degree. Owned by my beloved rescue cat. Nature-loving treehugger. Passionate about environment & social justice. I #Resist

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