Getting shit done
This is really the distillation of good shit I have learnt and digested over years from tomes of productivity such as the Toyota Production System, Getting things done, Scrum, 7 habits of highly effective people etc. This is really how I helped myself understand some of the more boring elements of the books.
This is what greets you at work daily.
This is what you do at work on a daily basis.
Yeah you wish.
Overnight, the pile of shit will grow to be a mountain again and in case you’re wondering, yes some assholes in your company contributed to the pile of shit.
Know your shit
Some you can pick up with your hands. Others require specialised tools.
Shit by any other color is still shit.
Smelly, fucking smelly and death by stench-o-poop
Why do you need to know your shit
(First things first)
Knowing your shit helps to prioritize what needs to be cleaned and finding out who/ what is the source of the shit.
The metrics of measuring shit helps to know which one to tackle first. The largest odorless shit does not really matter when compared to the smallest smelliest shit (unless it’s taking up all the space)
This could be a fortune cookie sentence.
Who’s the asshole?
Companies love to hire assholes (I cannot seem to find another explanation for facing the mountain of shit at work everyday and somewhere down the line I am sure I am an asshole to another colleague somewhere)
Knowing your shit helps you track down the owner of the shit, similar to tracking wildlife by identifying droppings.
(The corporate world packages this as root cause analysis)
- Deer droppings
- Beaver droppings (this is actually quite delicious)
- Chicken shit
- Bull shit (everyone’s all time favorite and similar to red bull, it gives you wings and then gets you shot)
(http://funnyshit.com.au/four_management_lessons.html — lesson 2)
You can’t fight biology and passing motion is natural.
That being said, it’s an active choice to not defecate as you please. You have an asshole but you don’t need to be one.
The Sisyphus mountain of shit
Let’s face it, as a grunt or even as management, cleaning shit is going to be the routine job once you reached the legal age to work.
However, over the years I’ve concluded a few things:
- Shit decomposes over time
This is actually a true story during my time in the army. I was assigned to clean the toilets and some asshole clogged one of the bowls in the cubicle the first week into my basic military training. I think the 5 of us tried every means possible to unclog it with cloth hangers, toilet plungers and strong pipe cleaning fluid. Nothing worked and it smelt really bad. That cubicle was locked and abandoned. At the end of the 3 months of basic military training when we opened up the cubicle, the shit had miraculously decomposed.
Sometimes you should let nature do it’s work, no amount of effort can clean up the shit.
- Some shit you must clean immediately
Once again, another story thanks to the military (I enjoyed my time as a conscript however that place is really run by assholes and has never ending shit). A dog pooped right inside a sheltered training area on the first day of the year. It smelt fresh, freshly bad. Since the space was enclosed, it amplified the stench at least 10 fold. Thankfully one of the sergeants bravely picked it up (with a plastic bag of course) and disposed of it. I mopped up the rest of the mess. When asked how it felt, he told me, warm, soft and squishy not unlike baby cereal.
Always clean up the shit that has a 10 fold impact even though it may be trivial in a different situation.
- Assholes rule the world so always prepare for shit
This is self explanatory. If you do not understand the sentence, then your resume should not read “have 10 years of experience”
- 3 Phases: Shit, Cleaning shit, Clean
- Know your shit
- Who’s the asshole
- You have an asshole but you don’t need to be one
If you feel your current company is >50% shit, send me your resume. My company is 49% with room to grow. We are always looking for more assholes ;)