Roam & Ramble: Confessions of a #digitalspouse
I am a #digitalspouse. My partner is a digital nomad and I suppose that makes me just a nomad. We have been traveling since April of 2018 and have visited India, Sri Lanka, the Maldives, Malaysia and Singapore. At the moment, we plan to keep going until we figure out where we want to land. I have learned a great deal about being in love with someone who is lucky enough to have their passion and career match. Also, I have been surprised by the challenge of not working.
Many people I share our story with tend to be just a bit envious of my situation. A year ago, I was incredibly excited by the potential of unlimited amounts of free time. I had plans to accomplish a number of amazing things. The first few weeks went by swimmingly and then I started to feel a little weird.
I wasn’t prepared for the feeling of being adrift and disconnected from people. I started working at the age of fourteen and as an adult never took time off, besides the standard two weeks per year (yes, I know, Americans get very little time away from work). I was an ambitious career gal and worked my way up through many promotions and advancements. Building my career was very important to me and I was proud of all that I had accomplished. This feeling of not being expected at work, and the guilt that came along with that, threw me for a loop.
I did not handle this new-found freedom very well and became a bit depressed. Never, for a moment, have I regretted making this life changing decision. It was also a very happy time because my partner and I were finally able to be in the same place at the same time. It became clear to me that I needed to make some changes within myself in order to be happy.
The other piece of this equation is that my partner is a gifted and hard-working software developer. His flexibility to work remotely is the sole reason for our ability to travel the world. His work also happens to be a hobby that he is very passionate about. He has known from a fairly young age that computers and programming were his calling. I am still trying to figure out what I am meant to be contributing to the world. It sometimes feels like I am very late showing up to the party and still standing outside.
We are together most of the time and the fact is that he spends a lot of time on the computer because his job demands this. While I still struggle to understand exactly what he does, I know that it is engrossing and sometimes he doesn’t lift his head for hours. Interruptions are very difficult for him because he is often pondering super complex ideas and can result in him just staring blankly at me. This leaves me feeling at odd-ends much of the time he is working. It has been something to get used to, being in the same room as someone but feeling miles apart. It was essential for me to realize that I don’t need to wait for him to develop my own interests. I have found that open communication and adjusting my expectations helped with this feeling of being alone together. Much of becoming a successful traveling couple can be attributed to staying fluid and flexible and being compassionate.
The first thing I had to do to reclaim my happiness was to stop feeling guilty. Accepting the awesome opportunity I have been given and remembering that a lot of thought went into this decision were equally important. I am trying to let go of the guilt of not working and advancing my career. There is also guilt that comes with making a decision to be away from family and friends. I can feel very guilty for not making the most of this amazing free time that I have. Facing this guilt has led me to incredible personal discovery.
I am on a mission to find my purpose and, at times, just a singular purpose. Volunteering at an animal shelter in Goa, India has been the most impactful experience so far. Taking care of myself and getting all-important workouts in has been key to my mental health. Writing these blogs has been more therapeutic than I expected. As for the future, I am giving myself time to figure it out. One of my interests will eventually reveal itself to be the path that I am seeking.
Being a #digitalspouse isn’t always glamorous but it is an incredible experience. It means a lot of time on my own and sometimes not in locations I feel comfortable exploring alone. It is a conscious choice not to be isolated. I’m learning to be kind to myself and let things happen in their due time. Traveling the world has been an amazing gift and I am so dang grateful.
