What Me Being an Atheist does not Mean
Being an atheist can be difficult. One of the biggest thing it can complicate is one’s relationships, or the pursuit of relationships. I know people who came to their atheism after having already married, and it often times strains these marriages. The degree to which this is true varies on the level of importance one’s spouse places on religion. I have known atheists who are happily married to Christians because their spouse’s religion is personal to them, but there seem to be a far greater number of cases where a lack of belief translates into a lack of willingness to see one’s partner as another human being who just happens to believe something different about the cosmos. I do not envy these people.
Being a single atheist can be difficult as well. When one commits to being an atheist, the dating pool has essentially been reduced by anywhere from 70% to 90%. It is unclear how many Americans do not believe in god, but the number of people who identify as atheists is only 3%.[1] While the number is probably much higher in reality due to the fact that many people are afraid to be open about it, atheists undoubtedly a minority in this country. Sixty-nine percent of Americans say that believing in god is an important part of what it means to be an American.[2] At the very least, then, atheists are un-datable to nearly 70% of this country. That’s a lot of fish taken out of the sea. I can speak about this from experience. The last relationship I was in came to an end largely due to my (at the time) newfound atheism, and the last two potential relationships I have pursued were stopped dead in their tracks when the fact that I was an atheist came up. Trust me when I say it: this sucks.
When I finally became comfortable considering myself an atheist about a year ago (and this was long before I became comfortable letting other people know), my life changed for the better. I had been raised in a fundamentalist Christian home. Science had almost no place in my upbringing. I was taught the world was only 6,000 years old, Adam and Eve were the first humans, Jesus died and rose again three days later to redeem me of my sins, and he was going to come again someday to establish his kingdom on the “new earth.” In high school, I was briefly taught evolution, but it did not shake my beliefs. After graduating high school, though, I started to have more doubts. I became a worship leader for my youth group and led almost 100 kids in singing about Jesus every Wednesday night for two years. But I did not feel what so many people claimed to feel. I did not feel the holy spirit come over me when singing praises, I did not feel god’s almighty hand guiding me, and I did not feel this love of Jesus that gave so many people their hope in this world. This did not mean I didn’t believe in these things, though. Far from it. It only made me try harder to learn more about god and spend time in his word and in prayer. I knew that if I asked, I would receive. During this time, in a community college biology class, that thing called evolution came up again. I learned much more about natural selection and how the things we see today could be explained by natural processes. I started having more and more doubts about god. How could they both be true? There is an overwhelming amount of evidence for evolution[3], yet I knew that there must be room for god. So I began my search. I hit the books in search of an explanation. I read books about why evolution was wrong and about how one could believe in evolution without letting go of god. None of these felt right to me. I knew that something had to give. I was never the type of person to cherry pick my beliefs. It was simple: one of these worldviews was wrong and I had to pick. Now, there are many people who accept the truth about evolution and science in general without losing their faith in god, and often times Jesus, but let me give one example of why this is a game of intellectual gymnastics. Genesis tells the story of how god created the Earth and placed the first two people, Adam and Eve, in the Garden of Eden. Eve eventually sinned and brought evil into this world. Eve’s actions were the original sin, and every person who has ever lived has inherited that sin. For many years, the only way to appease god and be forgiven of one’s sin was to make sacrifices. That is, until Jesus came and made himself the ultimate sacrifice. We no longer are slaves to sin, but can be saved if only we “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ…” (Romans 16:31). Now, many people, even Christians, see the Adam and Eve story to be a myth or a metaphor. To make this claim, and to accept evolution & science is to reject the obvious: that Adam and Eve were not the first people. If this is the case, then there is no original sin. If there is no original sin, there is nothing for us to inherit, and therefore nothing for Jesus to save us from. Anyone claiming that one can accept both is chasing shadows. It cannot be both ways. Either Jesus saved us from something, or he didn’t. Now the life and historicity of Jesus is another story that I will not get into here because I am already off topic, but let me just say that the case for Christ doesn’t hold much water.
Anyways, I eventually came to the conclusion that the Bible, God, and religion in general was all manmade. Many people have a tough time hearing this, but I do not mean it as an insult. Dan Dennet explains in his book Breaking the Spell: Religion as a Natural Phenomenon how religion was inevitable. It was our first way to explain what we did not understand. All I am saying as an atheist is that the evidence for god is null, and I no longer need this primitive explanation of the cosmos to give my life meaning. Don’t get me wrong, I think religion has done and will continue to do a great deal of harm, but I do not look down on anyone for being religious. I realize that I could have possibly come to another conclusion as many have after doing the same research, or I could have been like the majority of people who don’t even bother to look into it and continue believing without weighing the evidence. But I did do these things and I think I am better for it. Unfortunately, coming to this conclusion leads people to assume things about you that is not true. Here, I will briefly address a few of these things in hopes that people may have a better understand of what it means (or doesn’t mean) to be an atheist.
1. How do you have any purpose in life if ‘this’ is all you believe there is?
This is a big one. I have heard it before and I’m sure I will hear it again. Theists assume that the lack of a belief in an afterlife must result in an empty and meaningless life in the present. It is not the easiest to refute because to the theist, there is no way to get through to them how one can find meaning in this life without believing in an afterlife. The best way I can explain it is with a quote from Carl Sagan (emphasis is my own):
The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.
It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.
— Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994
The sentence in italics really sums up how I feel. Knowing that this life is all I have encourages me to make the most of this life. Most atheists I have met feel exactly the same way. In fact, most atheists I know are actually more charitable, kind, and accepting to their fellow human beings than the religious people I know. I am not saying this is a guarantee. There are plenty of lousy atheists just like there are many lousy religious people, and vice versa. That’s exactly the point. People should be judged on their character, not on what they believe started everything or where they think they will go when they die.
2. How can you have morals without believing in God?
This might actually be the most common response to declaring oneself an atheist. People have a tough time comprehending the fact that one can be moral without god or an afterlife. This is similar to the #1 but is more about morality than meaning. To the theist, a lack of belief in god should result in one leading a purely selfish life without regard for others. They even will go so far as to say that there is no way to argue that murder is wrong if you do not believe in god. This is absurd. Human beings are much older than any of our major religions, and we obviously were able to get by for thousands of years before we had the ten commandments, or even the Code of Hammurabi (which predates the earliest written parts of the Bible by about 800 years). A simple study of anthropology and the history of humans explains how morality, or altruism, is beneficial for survival. Even animals show signs of having a moral compass. If a chimpanzee murders another chimp, or even steals from him or her fellow chimp, they will be ostracized by the group and their chances of survival dramatically decrease.
There is plenty of other literature on how one can be moral without god. In fact, I would consider myself more moral since I gave up believe in god. Like many Christians, I did not believe gays should be allowed to marry, I didn’t think women should be able to make choices about their bodies and their own health, and I thought that most of humanity was going burn in hell for all eternity. The idea of these things sickens me now. How can one argue that believing everyone should be able to achieve the highest level of happiness as long as they do not cause suffering is immoral? I do not believe a coherent case can be made. Again, I encourage everyone to judge people on the merits of how they treat others, not on whether they think they will be rewarded or punished in the next life. Like Richard Dawkins has said before, if you need god to have morality, I don’t think you can really be trusted. If the only thing keeping someone from murder is fear of eternal damnation, can they really claim a monopoly on morality?
3. You worship science. Atheism is just as much a religion as anything else.
This one really grinds my gears. Merriam-Webster defines worship as “reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also: an act of expressing such reverence.” The scientific method is the best way we have to understand the world around us. If a better method comes along, I would use that to explain the things around me. If I was even forced to renounce science or face death, I would save myself, like any rational person should. As for atheism being a religion, that is simply not true. It cannot be true by definition. Atheism is a lack of belief in god. One of the reasons atheists are underrepresented in the United States is that they have not effectively organized themselves. That is because it is not a religion. There are groups of freethinkers and atheists/agnostics that get together to discuss what they believe, but none of these organizations have any creeds or set of beliefs one must subscribe to in order to be a member. The only thing they have in common is that they lack a belief in god. Were the evidence to present itself, many of these people would change their minds. The stigma of what it means to be an atheist must end. These are good people who simply disagree with the large majority of the earth when it comes to belief in a supernatural deity.
4. How can you value life if you don’t believe in god?
This might be the saddest of them all. I had a conversation with a family member one time where he told me that unless I believe in god, I would not be able to tell my children (when/if I have any) that they matter. Unless I believed that they were made in the image of god, I had no basis to tell them that their lives had any real value. This is an interesting point, because one must determine what this person means by “matter.” Again, it comes down to eternity and being rewarded/punished in the afterlife. To this person, for a life to matter, it must be part of a grand scheme designed by an all-powerful creator. They must somehow fit into the giant puppet show that god is putting on with us. If there is nothing for them after this life, what is the point? I find this to be very troubling. Apparently, it will not be enough to tell my children that they matter to their friends, family, and especially myself. The fact that there will be people surrounding them who love them and want what is best for them and to see them succeed in every aspect of their lives is not enough. These are all empty claims unless they will spend eternity in paradise after their life here on this earth is finished. If anything, I believe that I value life more since giving up religion. When one realized that this life is all one has, it emphasizes the importance of not taking anything for granted, because once it’s gone, it’s gone. I do not see how this undermines the value of life. Things do not have to last forever to be important. Think of a sunset or a meteor shower. These are some of the most beautiful and awe-inspiring events that take place in nature. What do they have in common? They only last a few short moments (most of the time). This is what makes them so beautiful. If they lasted forever, what would be special about them? When you visit a new city, you spend your time looking up at all the incredible things you have never seen before. After some time goes by, however, you walk along the street with your head down, just like everyone else. This is because the novelty has worn off. Things don’t seem as special the longer they last. As they say, beauty is fleeting. This is how one can find value in life. We don’t have long on this earth, so why not spend it trying to make life better for ourselves and those who we share time and space on this planet with?
I know I have not covered everything it doesn’t mean to be an atheist, but I hope I have shed some light on what someone means when they say they are an atheist. My definition of it will not work for everyone, but that is why it is important to listen to people. Like I said before, I know good and bad atheists, just like I know good and bad religious people. I do not despise anyone for being religious. People are not the enemy, ideas are. Ideas must be challenged and if an idea is dangerous, it should not be safe from criticism. For many people, their religion is their own personal business, and that’s fine. I do not mean to ridicule anyone for what they think. I encourage everyone to really take a good hard look at what they believe and why they believe it, but I cannot force them to do so, and if they don’t, so be it. Let’s all give each other a chance to prove our worth based on our actions.
[1] https://www.prri.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/PRRI-RNS-Unaffiliated-Survey-Topline.pdf
[2] https://www.prri.org/research/survey-americans-believe-protests-make-country-better-support-decreases-dramatically-protesters-identified-black/
[3] See Why Evolution is True (Coyne, 2009) and The Greatest Show on Earth: The Evidence for Evolution (Dawkins, 2009)
