I Forgot “Rest”
“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” — Psalm 116:7
Kakatapos ko lang mag devotion. Iba iba yung ginagawa ko pag devotion. What I do now is read one Psalm each day, study it, and meditate on it. Today was the day for Psalm 116.
For the recent months, I was honestly spiritually drained. I feel like my spirit thirsts for more of Jesus. I wanted to be on fire again, to be passionate again, but I am consumed by this world.
I do not know why, but I know something is wrong.
I cannot think straight. It is like my soul is bothersome. I feel like there is something inside me that tells me to get up and move, but my body would not. What is wrong with me?
Eto na nga. Dumating nanaman ako sa point kung saan wala nanaman akong lakas para magbasa ng Bible, pumunta sa church, at unattend ng small group. I am actually disappointed with myself because I can not achieve a stable faith. I do not know if this is normal.
For weeks, I have been busy as a teacher. Dapat talaga bakasyon ito eh kaya lang tinanggap ko nalang rin itong sideline. Mas nakakapagod ito. Kaya naman paguwi ko, wala na rin talaga akong gana kahit magpray pa.
Hanggang sa hindi ko namamalayan na ang layo-layo ko na.
Pero thank God I am aware. I am aware that I am too far from His presence. My spirit is longing for that kind of environment — the Lord being the refuge and the strength.
So I tried reading the Bible and some devotions. Sa una, feeling ko wala lang to eh parang ginagawa ko lang siya para mapuno yung journal ko. I know that there is something wrong with me. I do not feel normal. I become worried about the future. I feel careless. I feel selfish.
As I came across Psalm 116:7, natunaw ako bigla. Narealize ko, I am exhausted. I go home and lie down, eat, and lie down again because I believed that I am tired. I was feeling lazy for weeks now making all the excuses just for me not to move. Few weeks has passed, I am tired, and I did not deal with it the way the Bible says I should.
I SHOULD REST IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD.
Now I know why I still feel exhausted even if I am idle. I am resting in the presence of the world — social media, entertainment, etc. Sometimes, I even sleep late watching series or going through facebook. Oh so much time wasted!
I should have seek God and cultivate my relationship with Him. I should have read inspirational books and the Bible. I should have spent time with my small group instead of assigning them to different leaders. I feel bad about myself.
But GOD IS GOOD. Seek Him and I will find Him once more. And now I am starting to do that. As I read His Word wholeheartedly, I feel His presence again. I feel rested again. I feel empowered again to inspire people in light of His love.
THANK YOU, FATHER, FOR YOUR GRACE. I know I do not deserve this. I am really in awe of your love and goodness. It is not because of me or what I did, it is always about Your grace and love for me.
Thank You, Jesus, for being faithful when most of the time I am not.
Thank You, Jesus, for pulling me up from this drowning world.
Thank You, Jesus, for saving me me once more.
I love You.