Living someone else’s life
Follow the rules.
All the rules.
Make your own rules. Follow them.
Get good grades.
Take up shit you’re not interested in and be good at it.
Aim to please.
Make pleasing other people your life’s sole purpose. Maybe they will love you if you do.
or at least accept you.
Be a doormat.
Be a pushover.
Be a good example.
Don’t fuck up.
Don’t have any fun. You might fuck up.
Plan every. single. thing.
Have sleepless nights.
Take responsibility for other people’s fuck ups.
Pay for said fuck ups.
Allow yourself to be compared.
Beat yourself up for not being perfect.
Get physically sick from the depression.
Attend a thousand seminars on shit you don.t care about. Maybe they’ll make you perfect.
Watch everybody’s life move on.
Find a way to move on. I mean…new people to please
Compare yourself to where you thought you’d be by now.
Continuously wonder on a day and night basis whether your life is good enough.
Finally realize there were no rules in the first place.
Continue to follow said rules anyway.
Get anxiety attacks in the middle of the night.
Wake up crying for nights on end.
Give up on giving up.
Continue to be imperfect.
Never say no. Even of you want to.
Take no for an answer.
Other people’s opinions are more important. Even if they are stupid.
Other people are more important.
Get mad at the world.
Originally published at reasonnottodateme.wordpress.com on September 21, 2015.