My eyes are wide open…

It’s 3 am. Another night I’m wide awake. Surprisingly not tired from the lack of sleep. I wonder if my body has finally adjusted. It has been eleven months after all. I didn’t think that I would make it this far.

I’m torn between being grateful to be alive and being emotionally drained, wondering how much longer I can last. It’s a never ending cycle you see, wondering how much more I can take, and waking up the next day thinking, “ oh ,its another day.”

Life has become this cycle of this single thought now. I’m I going to lose somebody else or will I cause more pain should it be my turn?

Life’s innocence is lost the moment a loved one is gone. Its a realization that you could lose somebody else , just as easily, just as fast. Its baited breath when someone leaves to go somewhere, or wishes you a good night, until the next time you see them.

The recurring thought at this exact moment is if this will always be a recurring thought for the rest of my life. Will the insecurity ever dissipate?

I will at some point, need sleep and relief from the nightly battles.