Notes From File Of Patient Suffering Repeated Disbelief It’s Already December

Michelle Spies
Dec 3, 2018 · 2 min read

Patient #1000482: Notes Sat. December 1, 2018

Patient #1000482: Female, 105 lbs, 26 years old.

Admitted to St. Ambrose on 12/1/18, brought in by her roommate.

Patient appears to have suffered repeated disbelief that it is already December.

Vitals taken, no signs of irregularity. Regular heartbeat and blood pressure accompany condition. Reflex and movement tests also revealed normal results. Cause of repeated disbelief is currently undetermined.

Patient insists summer just started yesterday, appears to have distorted grip on reality. She seems very steadfast in her belief that she just celebrated her birthday, an event which occurred several months prior to admittance.

Patient also appears to have distorted perception of time, insisting that the months of June through December went by much quicker than usual. Patient vocalizes a complete lack of awareness of where the time has gone, yet simultaneously displays awareness of specific events that occurred within said time frame and repeatedly emphasizes the occurrence of those events.

Undetermined condition also compels patient to continuously vocalize her incredulity to those around her. Patient makes repeated attempts to confirm her distorted perceptions with others.

MRI scheduled for Monday, December 3rd.

Transcript: Patient #1000482 Interview, Sun. December 2, 2018, 11AM

DR. A. PRUIT: Hi there [name omitted]. How are you feeling today?

PATIENT: Fine. I’m just really out of it.

A.P: Do you know what this is [name omitted]?

PATIENT: A calendar.

A.P.: That’s right. Do you see what date is circled?

PATIENT: December 2nd.

A.P.: Yes, good. That’s today’s date.

PATIENT: Wow. I just can’t believe it’s already December.

A.P.: Why can you not believe it?

[Patient shakes head silently]

A.P.: [Name omitted] why can’t you believe it’s December?

PATIENT: Can you believe it?

A.P.: Yes.

PATIENT: I feel like I just moved here.

A.P.: That was 4 months ago, [name omitted]. You have lived here for 4 months.

PATIENT: Wow. It feels like it was yesterday.

A.P.: No. Yesterday was December 1st. Today is December 2nd.

[Patient groans]

PATIENT: I’m getting old.

A.P.: You are 26 years old.

PATIENT: Wow. December. December.

Patient #1000482: Notes Mon. December 3, 2018

Made contact with immediate family members.

Interviews reveal patient experienced similar symptoms nearing January 1st, 2017. Family members state patient refused to believe it was 2017 and forcefully insisted that 2016 had just started. Patient was not analyzed or admitted at this time; other symptoms unknown.

Condition appears to be chronic. Further tests necessary to determine condition.

Doctor recommends regular electroshock therapy.

Written by

Chicago-based. CONTRIBUTOR: The Onion, Clickhole. FREELANCE: Onion Labs. Other: Botnik Studios, Mcsweeneys. TWEETER: @spies_please | www.michellespies.com

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