A breast feeding and pumping primer for the young, the non-parents, and the men
If you’ve ever thought, “Why don’t women just pump in the bathroom?” … You don’t have to admit it. But you might want to read this.
I’ve said I would never blog about motherhood. So I want to clarify, this is not a post about motherhood. It’s more like a public service announcement. (But that is an actual picture of my kid. Cute, right?)
The internet seems abuzz with stories about pumping breast milk and the indignities experienced as a result. Here are some kernels from today alone, and I’ve only been on the internet for like three hours.
In a Facebook post: “When my flight was delayed out of Dulles, I sat on top of paper towels on the floor of a dirty family restroom to reach an electrical outlet and pump in privacy. Unacceptable!”
Seen on Twitter: “A breastfeeding mom says she was shamed by a flight attendant for pumping milk on her flight”
From the neighborhood listserv: “Does anyone know a place to pump near Farragut north?? I have a 4 hour client meeting and I’m not sure I’m going to make it.”
And even here on Medium: Why Companies Make it Hard for New Mothers
This internet flotsam is good because it brings awareness to a critical issue. But one thing that seems to be missing from some of these stories are the basic facts about breast feeding and pumping. Because I believe in the decency of humanity, I have to assume that pumping moms are treated poorly because people just straight up don’t know about breast feeding or pumping. Which is fair. We don’t really talk about it, and we use literal cover ups to shield our fellow humans from this very human process.
If you’ve never had lactating breasts ,cyou may ask yourself questions like: I don’t get it, why don’t they just pump in the bathroom? Why do they have to pump all the time anyway? What do they want, a private, clean room at an airport with a lock on the door and an outlet? Yeah, don’t we all?
Before I had a baby, I vaguely understood that women had to pump when they weren’t with their babies. Now that I’ve been there done that, I want to share a few basic facts that may help people understand a little more.
After you have a baby, your breasts have milk in them.
Yeah, you probably knew that part. Here’s what I thought happened: my breasts would have milk in them for my baby whenever my baby wanted milk, and it would all just happen quite magically. It didn’t occur to me that the milk would actually have a mind of its own — I couldn’t just summon it when it was needed and have it disappear when it wasn’t. Milk can be unpredictable and hard to manage.
Some people don’t have enough milk.
Some women can’t produce enough milk for their baby, and that’s really stressful and emotional. They have to do all sorts of magic things to produce milk, like drink special teas, eat special foods, and even talk with people called lactation consultants. Some people think, “well, just give the baby formula!” but some babies won’t actually drink formula, plus formula is expensive (like, really expensive) and breast milk is basically free. Some people think, “just give the baby juice or something!” and those people are idiots. One thing that a mom can do to ensure that the milk keeps flowing when she is away from the baby (like when she is at work or traveling) is to pump regularly, and often at the same time each day. It mimics the baby and helps your body keep up with milk production when you are away.
Some people have a lot of milk.
For others, the milk flows all the time and soaks up pads that women keep in their bras and they have to change their milk-soaked pads throughout the day. (Yes, it’s a thing.) For women with even an average milk supply, to pump is actually to relieve pain and discomfort. Breasts can be full, hard, and painful. There’s not really a perfect explanation for someone who has never done it, but it’s not that different from when you have to pee and you can’t find a bathroom. What’s worse, if you get in that state and you don’t pump, you can become what is called “engorged”, which means your breasts really hurt, you spike a fever, and your baby has problems getting milk from you. So, for women with any meaningful amount of milk, when they say they “need” to pump — it’s not a nice-to-have; it’s urgent. Some women need to pump every three hours at work in order to not be in pain, leak through their blouses, or risk infection.
Some women like breastfeeding.
No women like pumping.
Pumping totally sucks.* First of all, pumps are bulky and weird. They have about seven million little parts that all need to be washed with soap and hot water after every use. It takes an annoying amount of time; usually 15 minutes, to pump. It makes you feel slightly degraded, and not unlike a cow, honestly. It makes a terrible little wooshing noise so you can’t do it discreetly on conference calls. And then after you are done, you have to carefully not spill all the milk you just pumped, package it up, and keep it cold until your baby will use it. Pumping can mean practically bringing a suitcase with you to the office every day, alienating you from your peers, and taking oddly timed breaks throughout the day. It’s sort of like … imagine if you had to puree your food every day, throughout the day. You’d need a carry your Cuisinart around, find a place to plug it in, carefully do the work, put all your food into tiny containers with clean hands, and then wash all the parts with hot soapy water. Now, try doing it in an airport bathroom. It’s not a perfect comparison, but let me just assure you that pumping is hard, annoying, and no one likes it.
Breast milk is liquid gold.
It’s so magical and good at keeping your baby healthy. And it hasn’t actually been replicated by science. That’s right, you can make a working gun from a 3d printer and you can have Chinese food delivered to your house in the next 30 minutes, but you can’t synthetically manufacture breastmilk. (Your move, science.) So whether you have a lot of milk or a little, you treat it like the precious resource that it is. Plus, you didn’t just do that annoying pumping for nothing! It’s for this reason that women need a cold place to store it so that it doesn’t go bad, and they also need a germ-free environment (ie: not a bathroom) in which to do all of this nonsense. And don’t even get me started on when TSA takes it from you, as they do when the baby is not with you. Yeah, think about that for a second. (But like I said, this is just a PSA. It’s not a blog post about motherhood.)
Also, pumping doesn’t look like this.
Lolololololololololol stock photos. You are ridiculous.
That’s all.
No, seriously. I’m not trying to breast milk vs. formula you, or tell you why your company should have a safe and discreet place to pump that’s not the bathroom, or insist that flight attendants get a clue. I just think that the world is missing some basic facts that we don’t talk about because they involve boobs. Everyone loves boobs; let’s talk about them more. We might all gain a little empathy, understanding, and appreciation.
*I should note, though, that we’re much better off today with pumps than we used to be. Even though pumping sucks, it’s also a privilege. It allows us moms to go back to work, keeping our babies fed without kicking us out of the workforce. Pumps can be really expensive, and not everyone can afford the best and most effective ones. The fact that I have a great pump, the means to pump, and a place to pump at work is a huge privilege. (And even still, it sucks.)
