Airdrowned

M S Rayed
M S Rayed
Sep 5, 2018 · 2 min read
Credit: GabrielGajdos via Deviantart

I call it a sad puppy,
A morose companion
Constant, never leaving
There, through good days and bad,
Inching, closer to skin
Matted fur brushing hair
Damp snout pecking face.

When depression strikes
It morphs, changing from solid
To liquid, then air, before reverting
To a state that’s half air, half water.
A smog of emotions
A smorgasboard of fear, paralysing
Drowning confidence, smothering
Hope, fleeing, wavering
Light stays, dim but steady
Eyes open, beckoning
Limbs working, flailing
To surface, once more
I swim through air
I swim on land, across floors
I stay rooted in reality
Mind enveloped in maelstorm
Of tumultous uncertainty.

The storm will pass,
As does all things, but what
Will it leave in its wake?
An older man, perhaps
But wiser or more frail?
I won’t know until the time comes.
I must weather this maelstorm
Survive this onslaught of oxygen
Or I will be devoured, ravaged
By the shifting, burning sands
eating away at my soul, dissolving
flesh, enveloped in silica and hydrogen.

It wasn’t supposed to be easy
But it wasn’t supposed to be this hard.
The surface is far away
And I must rest, in a cove
Under calmer tides
Paying no heed to fears
Of drowning darkness
Or the danger that future harkens
Slumber I greet
There, nightmares I must meet.

Guilt, Apathy, Terror
Oils and spices of candor
Forgotten names, buried pasts
Come ashore, rotting fast
Stench exorcised, bleached
And grey. Bleach runs from them,
Through the grey plains of my mind,
Numbing peace, stirring pain
And again I awake, slumber stained.

I close my eyes, to revisit bad dreams
For the waking sea I wished to leave.
There I stayed, rooted in spot
Mind torn asunder, in sea and spell.

One day gone, one day lost
What is gained, I cannot ponder
Fight I must, and swim anew
For the shore awaits yonder
And I must away, ere I drown
In this sea of air, sea of frowns.

M S Rayed

Written by

I combine my love for creation and knack for analysis in everything I do.

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