New Moms in the time of Corona
A letter to my baby sister Ayesha now that you have become a new mama…
Welcome to the world Kian Ahmed Daas Kumar! We all can’t wait to hold you and smother your cute little face with kisses.
Dearest Mama Ayesha!
Happy 1st Mother’s Day to you and god-willing many more to come for us to celebrate together when we wave goodbye to the Corona Virus.
We have all been so delighted and jumping for joy the minute we learned the fantastic news about the new parenthood journey. Baby Kian will bring his own blessings by the grace of Allah and also bring endless joy, love and many changes. You have waited, prayed and hoped endlessly for this day to arrive and you’ll soon see for yourself that Kian was worth every second he made you wait. And boy did he make you wait…. he like is Zaina Baji arrived on his due date and wasn’t going to be deterred from that plan. It will be interesting to see how that shapes who is in the future.
As you were waiting ever so patiently for a baby of your own for the last couple of years, you have also watched and supported me through all four of my pregnancies. You have always been an exceptionally doting and dependable presence in my kids’ lives and they are lucky to have you in their corner.
You are already quite a natural at this! I mean come on, you better be… you have always been my mini-me and as your second mom, you know I didn’t raise no dummy! 🤪
I can’t help but give you some unsolicited baby advice(you're gonna get a lot of this from many well-intentioned people and some punk-monkeys — just brace yourseld). I want you to use this letter as a place for you to feed your soul with daily affirmations especially when you get bogged down by the mama meltdowns, self doubts or fear of the unknown/failure.
I still can’t believe my little sister is finally a mama. You’re kinda frozen in my head as that little kid sister. Anyways I digress, I can’t wait to hold this special sweet little baby boy in my arms and just enjoy being an aunt for once.
1. Mama Meltdowns:
They are going to happen. It’s inevitable, so please try very very hard to not beat yourself over it. Currently you are are overcome with a gamut of emotions and you’re so exhausted to the nth degree and let’s be honest, I know it is challenging to manage all those conflciting voices in your head. You’re going to experience random uncontrollable crying, feeling unsurmountable frustration and annoyance by your spouse’s comfortable sleep and their innate ability to conveniently not hear the baby cry. As you get used to this new normal with now an added layer of “CoronaVirus” (say it in the Cardi B voice), just breathe and be ready for it. Accept it. This too shall pass and just know that inshallah everything will be okay. Mama meltdowns are a small part of your journey and now that the baby high (anticipation and physical arrival of Kian) is over the mama meltdowns will set in. Do you need someone to talk to, to help you through it, you know who to call. I will do my best to always pick up and just lend an ear. It’s not about ranting or dumping on me, it’s about having a safe space to release the bad juju. The mama meltdowns will pass, just remember not to be so hard on yourself. Trust your instincts and ask for help when you need it. Even if it means just to take a break and get a 20 second hug from Jason to help reset. There is a ton of evidence that proves that hugs that last over 20 seconds show higher oxytocin levels through your body and help with making you feel happier. This is similar to the why medical professionals advise for skin to skin contact for parent-infact bonding. So get those hugs, girl. I usually resist them when I am angry, hangry, tired or just upset, but it really is a quick and easy fix to turn the frown upside down. Happy Mom means happy family. We need more happiness and if all else fails take Kian in your arms and just savor that yummy baby smell that will take you on a ride to ecstasy. Works like a charm every time.
2: Breastfeeding is work, don’t get swallowed up by it:
Yes breast is best. We are hearing more and more now how important breastfeeding is now more than ever in this time of Corona. It is has always been liquid gold, but it shouldn’t be at the price of your own sanity. We have both talked through this many times and no matter how much someone prepares you, until you’re in the trenches you learn soon enough that it isn’t easy. It’s a lot of work and requires a lot of patience. Whether it’s latching issues, cluster-feeding, burping, pumping, or sterilizing the pumping parts do it all over again in two hours. Breastfeeding is simply exhausting. It’s not glamorous and the on-demand feeding makes you feel like a bonafide cow. Yes, it’s true, breastfeeding is mentally and physically draining. However, we do this for the benefit of our babies and when they start growing and it does become easier (and I promise you it will) just try to cut yourself some slack in the meantime. It’s your body and you need to do what’s best for you and your beautiful baby boy. There’s no denying that it’s challenging and I was always so tired. You need to feel sane and have the energy to be the best mom that you can be. You won’t be able to successfully accomplish this if you’re swirling in a pool of stress over breastfeeding. You’re not a failure if you feel frustrated or overwhelmed by this all-consuming job. We have all been there. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to give up and although I project a tough exterior, I have shed many a tear because I was overcome by the fear of failure. What will people think? Am I weak? Why do I suck? Why can’t this be easy? Why can’t I do this?Why am I such a bad mom? Why is it so easy for everyone else? We need to learn to tell those voices in our head to stfu! Don’t let them rule you! You CAN get through this and you will! And if by chance you decide you don’t want to adn you want to give him formula, then so be it. It won’t be the end of the world. I t doesn’t define you nor make you a bad mom. It makes you a smart and happy mom for making the best decision for you and your baby. Rant over on breastfeeding. Just do you, Boo!
3. We all need somebody to lean on:
Simple rule of thumb: just ask for help. We both are plagued with that notion that we can do it all. You especially have that perfectionist gene and strive to do it all like a bad-ass Wonder Woman (which you are), but so I beg you take a break from it and ask for help. The one good thing with this whole this quarantine situation is that Jason is physcially there 24/7 to really help/support you through this. Lean on him, communicate and articulate how you feel even when you’re running low on patience. I’m sure everyone is bombarding you with unsolicited advice and well-meaning acts of help that is sometimes counter productive to the non-existent schedule that you are trying to follow. Sometimes you’re going to feel like punching everyone in the freaking face inclusive of me. Just take a deep breath, go take a sniff of Kian or hug Jason and stop to tell people how they can help you. Tell us what will make you happier and feel at ease. People who are close to you will want to support you and feel needed by you both. Let us in. We would love nothing more than to support and be there for you all in other ways since we can’t physically be in your presence thanks to the quarantine. Lean on your loved ones so they can help prop you up while you get through the first few months of motherhood. We all have good intentions, just always try to remember that and enjoy the ride. Don’t let fear of failure capsize your ability to slay at this mom thing. You got this and we are all here for you, just ask for our help. We will all be more than happy to oblige.
It’s easy for all of us to tell you to enjoy every second, they grow up quick, savor the moments, it gets better and blah blah blah blah. You do you. Take those 10000 pics… as many as you freaking want. Your iPhone permits you to go trigger happy and thankfully there’s a delete button when you want to get rid of those unflattering pics. 🙂 Send Kian an email a week to share his milestones or what you were feeling when he hit those milestones. Start a journal, draw, write, doodle, whatever it is get on it on paper for 5 mins a day. It will help clear your mind and give you a space to shed any negativity. Additionally, you are part of a small number of moms who have given birth in the time of Corona. You could provide a wealth of knowledge for new moms as they navigate these unprecedented times with respect to delivery. Consider joining a virtual mama group to talk through some of those experiences mamas are having with this new normal. Or do nothing and just sleep. Get those zzzs in whenever you can! Do what you need to do to feel sane and what works for you. Not rehana, not mom, not anyone else. Just you.
You both are already incredible and selfless parents. I know I can’t physically be there for you as we patiently wade through these uncharted waters. However, I am still here, just like you have been there for me, even if it means we live on FaceTime 24/7. I am looking forward to watching my nephew grow up. You have waited so incredibly long and have triumphed over so many challenges, savor this time. You’re a phenomenal aunt and I know you love my kids to death, but the love that you feel for Kian is truly immeasurable and it will be exciting to watch you blossom as a mama. You have been blessed by Allah and Kian will bring his own set of blessings to your family inshallah.
I am so proud of you and can’t wait to support you through this journey. I love you dearly, Ayesha and we are planning to spoil and shower Kian with lots of love and infinity kisses (when we can finally bid adieu to the Corona Virus).
Love always your second mom,
Rehana
