Knowing Thyself

I had this realization if I want to excel in my life, change things than identifying all of my good, bad, ugly virtues will be the primary task. I will start with the ugliest ones.

I have a prolonged procrastination behavior, I promise myself I will do this today, that tomorrow and this keeps going on for days after days. Sometimes I find things I planned to do years ago still on my procrastinated list.

Besides I loose focus very quickly i.e I start working on something with sheer interest and huge plans and you could find me doing something completely irrelevant on the very next day.

I have a serious anger problem, I become furious very quickly, sometimes this leads to unwanted deeds that I never wanted to happen.

On the bad sides, I jump on to something without knowing proper details, which I am trying to change over the period of time. I tended to be a speaker in most of the conversations but now-a-days I am trying to listen first than speak if its required.

I am too much obsessed with information, I read lots of blogs, news and which leads to wastage of time, feels my brain with lots of unrequired information chunks. Don’t know its bad or good, I have a soft heart, you can find me crying on listening someone died there or news on some accidents.

I live a messed up life, I don’t know where all the necessary things of mine are and when its required to find I just freak out, moving everything to find the required ones. But sometimes you can find me organizing my belongings on late night to correct this, which is not a solution after all. I always have the plan to organize belongings in bits everyday but also I forget this everyday.

I have interest for everything which is a bad thing, I become fascinated by everything. I like to listen peoples stories, connect with people of all spheres, I know some story of every people who lives in my surroundings, it could be the people that you never noticed, such as the tea stall owner you used to take tea everyday or the shopping mal counter boy.

I love to communicate with people, mix with them, know about their lives in virtual and also in real life, When I go somewhere filled up with complete strangers, you will find me mixed up with them after a while such as a long known friend but it depends on the opposite sides persons friendliness.

I love to be in communities, do volunteer works and being involved with volunteer communities .I have made connections in every parts of the world, I can find someone known or familiar in anywhere in the world instantly by being involved with volunteer communities.

Though I have been working as a software engineer professionally for nearly 4 years, I have lacking’s in my technical skills and I am not really proud of them. My strength in software engineering so far, knowing what needs to do very quickly i.e I understand the requirements, clients needs very quickly, I have compared it with some other peers, identifying the problem and requirements by bits is one of my strength.

But it becomes dilemma when it comes to implementation, I wonder here and there, try different ways, sometimes pass lazy time and wait for extra haul. But at the end I do the work may be missing timelines, working overnights, learning lessons to not repeat in future. Unfortunately those lessons gets lost most of the times.

Some people say that I will never be able to do it or that, but I kind of don’t have this kind of fear, I kind of feel that I can do anything if I put enough amount of concentration and hard work, but I really forgot last time when I did hard work except in organizing events or passing exams. I remember I was a very bad student in elementary school, than after being regular in bits by bits I move up to the ladder gradually. And when I was very regular I used to have knowledge of everything in every time.

In my technological skills enhancement journey the biggest fault was so far not sticking to something and may be not approach in proper way, sometimes I wanted a mentor to guide me all the way just like in childhood home tutor, not thinking about what needs to be done next, but later I realized self motivated learning is the best way to master any craft.

One last thing that I am proud of, I am a great organizer and I always have new and newer ideas, something to do. Everyday I have something new to think of, some new ideas popped up, I recently started to write them on notes, to take action on them later and I never feel that I have nothing to do now. I am doing something always such as after getting back from office, I talked with some of the volunteers I work with, discussed about the next journal themes, did some reading on using mailchimp, watched a scott hanselman video, did some planning, bought vegetables, talked with family,took care of some family responsibilities and so on. I am happy that I have never feelings like that I have nothing to do today. I believe someone very quickly and also cannot say no most of the times which is a problem though.

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Originally published at on February 18, 2015.

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