MTA: A New Beginning

The Metropolitan Transit Authority serves over 11 million commuters every day across 12 counties in the State of New York. We are proud to have served New Yorkers for decades of continual, uninterrupted service since 1965, and are constantly working hard to improve our service through various forms of surveys, interviews, and focus group studies.

Amidst rising negative feedback and criticisms of our service, brand, and reliability in the recent years, and with 2016 marking our 50th year of service, we are very thrilled and proud to unveil our biggest announcement to date so far — a new executive plan to completely rebuild the MTA’s brand, public image, service, organization, and everything in between.

A New Brand

With MTA being one of the most forward-thinking, modern municipal organizations in the entire world, we set out to create a new brand and identity that reflects exactly that. We started by re-imagining our aging logo and color palette.

Introducing… The Rainbow.

Inspired by the widely-celebrated rebranding of modern-day “start-ups” such as Instagram, our new logo and gradient color scheme reflect the constantly changing, hyper-dynamic nature of our organization (and train service).

A New Map

With more than 20 different subway lines and even more planned service changes by the day, it is easy for commuters and tourists to get confused.

To simplify everything, we have made a bold decision to consolidate all of our rails into one line — The D.

The D now runs express from Long Beach to 225th St in a straight line. To get to any destination, simply ride the D to the nearest of the two stations, then walk or Uber to your final destination (use the code MTAMTA to get $25 free credit).

To help ease the transition, we are announcing the RIDE THE D digital and social campaign. Simply tweet #IRideTheD for a chance to win a free Unlimited 30-Day MTA pass.

Finally, in partnership with the World Wildlife Fund, we are retiring the remaining 342 subway stations into MTA Wildlife Preserves, protecting precious species of rodents and bacteria that are only native to the New York City subway station habitat.

A New Fleet

Another major concern and feedback that we have been receiving from our riders is that our trains are simply too fast. Commuters are burdened by arriving too early to work every morning due to overly consistent train schedules and the breakneck speed of our trains.

MTA subway trains top out at 33MPH, which is far too fast and dangerous for urban travelers. As such, we have decided to replace all existing MTA trains to a fleet of state-of-the-art handcars.

Engineered for maximum safety and reliability, the MTA handcar is motor-less, electricity-less, manually operated, and features a maximum capacity of 5 passengers, or 1 homeless passenger.

New Programs & Initiatives

“Homeless Plus” Membership
To battle the homeless loitering in our stations and trains, and in support of the thousands of homeless living in New York, the MTA is pleased to announce the new “Homeless Membership” residential program. Residents who register have access to the following perks:
• Permanent address
• Nonstop Heat and A/C
• Unlimited transportation anywhere
Registration requires proof of unemployment and will cost a flat monthly fee of $4000.

“Save the Rats” Campaign
To address rising concerns over unhealthy sanitary conditions for the rats, bugs, and over 12 species of rodents that are native to the MTA rail systems, the MTA is proud to announce a $10 billion plan for the “Free the Rats” campaign. In addition to switching to all-natural, organic, whole, vegan, gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free rodenticides, we will be releasing more rats into every station to help sustain a healthy population.

“Bathroom Everywhere” Initiative
Public urination is unfortunately a big problem across our subway stations. To put an end to this problem, we’re announcing the “Bathroom Everywhere” Initiative. Our $20 billion act will go towards installing urinals and toilets along the walls of every station in New York.

”Rising Pole Superstars” Youth Accelerator
In support of the growing number of subway pole performers, we are thrilled to announce our new program dedicated to nurturing and training the next pole rockstars.

Our team of recruiters will be aboard the N, Q, R, and L trains 24/7 scouting for the best performers. Once accepted, trainees will go through an intensive 10-week training course, leading to the final “demo day” at the King of Diamonds strip club in Miami (judges include Flo Rida, Rick Ross, and DJ Khaled) 🙏🔑.

Coming Very Soon

All of the following changes will take effect as soon as possible. All of us at the MTA are working non-stop, day and night, to push the bounds of human efficiency. As such, we are proud to announce our plans to implement all of the overhaul as soon as Summer 2078.

And as always, thank you for riding with the MTA New York City Transit.