You Don’t Need to Keep a Man

Here’s something I hear more than I’d like to.
I see messages like “How to make him love you” and “How to keep a man”, etc. And to be honest with you, I cringe when I hear something like that.
Why?
Because a man is not to keep. You are not to keep. A lover is not to keep.
We are someone’s partner because we choose to stay by their side. We want to stay because of who they are and how they make us feel, because of who we are when we’re together.
Your job is not to keep a man.
Because, if you ask yourself “How can I keep this guy?” — What does this imply?
First, there’s a presumption that he might go.
(thus, I need to keep him somehow.)
Secondly, there is a fear that you might lose him.
(thus, you ask, how can I prevent that?)
Thirdly, there is an underlying doubt that I — as I am at this very moment — am not enough for him to want to stay with me.
(thus, I need to do something to keep him.)
And lastly, “keep” someone? What does that even mean? “You are mine?”
“I need to keep you.” — Sit with it for a while.
It doesn’t feel good, does it?
Well, if you want to keep someone, I’d say — Keep yourself.
Keep your dreams, your unique ways of being in this world,
your unique ways of expressing love,
your unique ways of being the woman you are.
Your job is not to keep a man, but to keep yourself. To stay true to you.
And the man who will find you beautiful just as you are is a man who is welcomed to stay by your side.
Stay true.
Matea
