What I learnt from my first solo trip
The other day I was talking about my adolescence and my early adulthood with my boyfriend and it was funny to see how mine was quiet comparing to his. I didn’t do drugs, I started smoking at 23 and quitted at 29, I’ve never been on holiday with my friends, I am not a party girl, I rarely binge drink, I like going to bed before midnight and wake up before sunset. Recently I started meditation and I find it utterly exciting. Does it sound boring to you?
Sometimes I wonder if I missed something, if the path I took was “normal”. It’s the danger of comparing yourself with the others. As a result, discrepancies look like something’s wrong with you. At first, I thought that it might have been related to my education. Raised by two Asian parents, I always followed strict rules without flinching. It was sometimes frustrating but I am not the rebel type of girl and life was flowing with ups and downs. Even when I left the family nest, things didn’t change drastically. I still was an introvert, and even without a curfew, I didn’t become a bird of the night. My new freedom didn’t make me cheat on solitude who was still a great companion alongside my other friends.
There were real crazy moments in my life but nothing I could do a whole movie with. It never was and never will be perfect but even if I could I wouldn’t change anything.
One day, I woke up and I was starting to count the days that separate me from my 30th birthday. And I wanted to do something meaningful to bury my twenties. Despite all what I said above, I sometimes feel guilty for not having embraced the past decade more ferociously. Oh lazy me!
So last month I decided to treat myself with a short solo trip. Because:
- Travels shapes youth
- When you’re in a relationship for a very long time, you need to find quality time for yourself
- I needed to challenge myself
- New experiences create lasting memories
Hence, I chose Iceland, with in mind a clear vision of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and its gorgeous landscapes. I wanted my own journey of initiation. I wanted answers. But I wasn’t sure about the questions…
I left on a Thursday morning, it was 4.45 am, still dark, the mini cab was waiting for me, my boyfriend was finishing his night, saying goodbye with one eye closed. I was going on holiday on my own and I was a bit scared. But I knew that I wouldn’t regret it.
I’m back now and I wanted to share few things that I learnt.
People were surprised
I’ve been asked several times what my boyfriend thought or said about it. What could he say? It’s not like I am going to ask his permission. He was happy for me and proud. Here are few things I heard:
— But why? — I prefer sharing the good memories with the one I love — Are you two breaking up?
— I wouldn’t be comfortable to travel alone or let my girlfriend travel by herself Why not? It’s not because you’re with someone that you have to do everything with him/her. I always thought that you have to be able to be happy by yourself before being truly happy as a couple. I know people who think they’re miserable because they’re single. As if the other person could wash away all your misery by being with you. What an horrific conception of love or what people think love is. I really like this quote from Michael Josephson:
If you want to be happy, learn to be alone without being lonely. Learn that being alone does not mean being unhappy. The world is full of plenty of interesting and enjoyable things to do and people who can enrich your life.
I did like being alone without feeling lonely and I can’t describe how good it feels. It doesn’t mean I didn’t miss him but I enjoyed every moment, allowing myself to live at my own pace, caring about my own agenda and doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to. Of course, sometimes I wished he could be here with me but I knew that I would have stories to tell. And that definitively increased the excitement. Seriously, if a guy wouldn’t let me travel alone, it would be a good reason to break up.
The challenge doesn’t have to be big to be challenging
For some people, travelling 5 days to Reykjavik alone could sound ridiculously easy. Once again, I tried to avoid any comparisons, especially because I’m currently reading The Happiness of Pursuit by Chris Guillebeau in which he relates so many inspiring and amazing quests which can turn your life into an insignificant dishtowel. But every journey starts with a step, small or big. As long as it leaves you with a sensation of accomplishment. We all face different challenges based on our experience and personnality. Your comfort zone is nothing like your neighbour’s. It’s not because he climbed Kilimanjaro that you have to. Just start by stepping outside your comfort zone and move away gradually from it. You’ll see that the progression is enjoyable.
It boosted my confidence
This trip opened new doors and I experienced so many things I’ve never done before that after this adventure, I had the confirmation that only sky is the limit. I can have some self-confidence issues sometimes, so I was just glad to see that I had ressources and capabilities. I walked on a glacier, did some ice climbing and snorkeling between two tectonic plates, jumped into cold water, went hunting the northern lights. I lived in 5 days more than 5 months. Simply because I gave it a shot. The more you try new things, the more your desire to break the routine will grow. And without you even notice it, you will have the courage to be braver in your everyday life.
It’s enjoyable to travel without compromising
We all like to travel differently. My boyfriend for example likes his 4 star hotel, the jacuzzi, the service, the queen size bed, the view on the city that a top floor room allows you to have, the fancy restaurants (I’m not going to complain!). He doesn’t like planning in advance. He prefers to wake up late and live like a Spanish. Walk, nap in the afternoon, have diner at 10pm, party ’til late. I often think that we live on a different time zone but love manages to fill the gaps. Travelling alone leaves you plenty of freedom and independance. You set your own limits. I planned everything in advance and I’m glad I did it. Because it reassures me in some ways. Nobody was there to tell me that I did wrong, that it’s best to have a bit of spontaneity. Because I also learnt that it’s not because you do some planning that everything is set in stone. There were changes, surprises and unforeseen events.
I also saw some amazing sunrises and went to bed once at 8.30 pm without guilt!
It’s not akward to do social things on your own
Drinking cocktails and beers in a bar while observing the crowd, having a nice meal in a restaurant, experiencing the Blue Lagoon, attending gigs. I did all that and it didn’t feel weird at all. You are more inclined to meet and talk to new people obviously. Even when you’re shy. It just pushes you to be a more adventurous version of yourself.
It’s also relaxing to spend sometimes alone you. Some of you may not like it but I promise there will always be someone to talk to anyway.
When you can only rely on yourself, your set of skills is way better than you think
You know what? My sense of direction is not too bad when I’m on my own…
I am ready to do it again
No doubt, I’m targetting a longer trip next time. I want to renew this experience at least once a year. Surprisingly, I never felt bored or lonely. I always had something to do or to discover or read about the country I was in. In the future, I’ll try to plan less, just to take another step away from my comfort zone…
If you want to see some pics from my trip: http://indefatigablewanderer.tumblr.com/tagged/ICELAND
Originally published at thien-nguyen.com on November 27, 2014.
