Starting up at a Startup
So you’re finishing up college, know how to reverse a String, read the trifecta (T.Crunch/H.News/P.Hunt) religiously, and think to yourself, “I should work for a startup”. Fantastic choice! A startup has never failed. You’ll be raking in a cool $82M once your company gobbles up 19 B’s via an acquisition offer and your loser big-company friends will shed a tear each time you send them snap of what early retirement looks like. But to reach this nirvana, you’ll need to survive the treacherous open office jungle that is, a startup. So here’s my advice…
1) Don’t learn from others
Since this startup you’re joining has less than 50 people, you’re going to be in close quarters with a breadth of talent and experience. They will try to put you on the path to career paradise, but shun their futile attempts. And on the off chance assistance is required from a more senior co-worker, always ask them the same question at least 3 times throughout the day.
2) Be shy & don’t teach others your secrets
You may think you were hired to inject modern ideas into product and execution, and that’s totally true. But while your voice will be heard in the intimate setting of a startup, seldom use it. Silence is golden and knowledge is power. So when an issue arises, don’t jump in and save the day right away. Wait until the company starts losing money. Only then do you:
1. Arrive heroically
2. Pat the top of the monitor
3. Unveil the solution.
Now you can claim you saved the company an extra O(N) dollars.
And if you fancy Prisoner of Azkaban Hermione-like productivity powers, you’ll first need to dump your other tools:
- drag and drop Trello to the trash
- kick Dropbox off the field
- pull the shades down on Sunrise
Afterwards, go utilize a tool called “Just Outsource Your Tasks To South Bay High Schoolers”.
3) Work hard, but in the repetitious/busy way
Startups with funding are new and wealthy enough to invest in their tools. But dev tools were designed for people who are weak, people with their hand out, people who are more robot than human.
You are not one of those people. Brute force every solution. Meticulously follow print statements. Even just type nonsense and see if it compiles. At least your keyboard will always be clacking away which will easily fool any passers-by that you are an extremely efficient/“brain in your fingertips” type of developer.
4) Nothing is your fault / swipe right
When you look down at your phone and see a request from a coworker, “swipe right”. And no, what the heck?, I’m not talking about Tinder.
I’m talking about deleting a Jira or email on Mailbox if it involves you doing more work.
And also, don’t listen to this guy’s advice on the matter:
5) No testing, you’re better than that.
Even though startups are constantly iterating, certain testing efforts are crucial for keeping product healthy and key early adopters retained.
But never forget TEST is actually an acronym for:
“Trustless Expressions of Squandering Time”
meaning, if you love wasting time and showing how unconfident you are in your craft, write some T.E.S.T’s.
And turn off spel chek whil eyour at it.
6) Write code in a way only you understand
Due to minimal legacy code, startup’s code bases tend to be squeaky clean. Sounds like an opportunity for you to leave your mark ;).
It’ll be like unleashing an army of skunks and chimpanzees to raid Airbnb’s pristine hq for a weekend. Things will get messy, but you will be remembered.
And forget “best practices”, it’s a buzzword. Only the raunchiest engineers KISS and shard while at work. Some prefer some nice Object Oriented Programming but there’s a reason why OOP backwards is POO. And finally, don’t stay DRY. And finally, don’t stay DRY.
7) Wear many hats
Folks always say this about life at startups, and for good reason. Despite being indoors, always wear a hat. And mix it up. Buy a fedora, trucker hat, beanie, etc. Great advice.
8) Criticize in public, praise in private
Try utilizing the MEAN stack. But not the framework. Simply be mean to others publicly. Pretend like every code you review is shockingly the new worst of all time, be swift to blast blame on your company’s open Slack channels, and in the unlikely event a thank you is legitimately in order, resort to sending just a DM. That way you seem like a nice person while also crushing the lower-downs in front of the higher-ups.
9) Look at points 1–8, do the opposite
sarcasm().stop();
While you’re at your standing desk or writing code on windows or chowing down on catered lunches (hopefully not EAT club) you may be oblivious to the unique opportunity you have: you can actually stamp your name on industry-shaping projects.
Be Spongebob Startup-pants and soak up knowledge from all directions.
Also remember, there are a lot of startups to choose from. Don’t go joining an ad re-targeter for kangaroos or the next wearables line for powerpoint slides. Do yourself a favor and find a company with proven leadership, backing from the top VC’s, a ruthlessly passionate team, operating in an industry ripe for disruption.
And lastly, there’s obviously no secret recipe for company success in this land and many articles sound righteous by acting like they have all the answers (like this one). But regardless of what happens to your company in its transition from startup-dom to either big company-dom or extinction-dom, just make sure you’re growing as an engineer while also keeping intact your abilities to think critically, communicate, and be creative and your personal “exit” will be a successful one.
