The day ‘Some day’ becomes ‘Today’.

Or: How to light a fire up your own ass.

My partner and I have had the idea of leaving the UK for as long as we can both remember. The recent events surrounding UK politics have merely transformed the idea from ‘some day’ to ‘soonish’ in our minds. The thing that changed everything happened today though. I want to share with you all the lesson that I learned.

You will find out exactly what you want, deep down, the moment someone says no to you.

My partner and I stumbled across a YouTube channel called Abroad in Japan a while back (Chris, if you ever read this we love you). My partner would watch it whilst he was at work (yeah, apparently programmers can watch YouTube and Twitch whilst they work, it’s not fair) and he would send me the ones he liked the most throughout the day over chat. After a while he started to look into the JET programme (which is what Chris used to teach in the country) and talked to me about it on a night.

Over time the idea of actually moving over there and teaching English started to take route. It was something I really could do.

My partner had wanted to move to Japan ever since he was seven and it was something he’d talked about doing even at the very start of our relationship. I actually have a clear memory of thinking to myself “Would I be willing to follow him there?” after about a year of knowing him.

Now, the realisation was slowly dawning on me, that I could be the one to make his dream come true. I have all the qualifications needed to be an ALT (Assistant Language Teacher) in Japan, and once he was over there with me he could easily get a teaching job as well. (Although both of us could qualify for the JET programme we couldn't guarantee to be placed together, or even in the same prefecture).

So last Monday I suggested to him that maybe I could be the one to go and teach to start off with, and we could both move to Japan, for real.

He sat there, in stunned, happy, silence. The idea began to percolate through his mind. This could be real. Eventually he un-froze and we decided to properly research and find out if it would, truly, be possible.

It would.

After the initial research and excitement had passed and we’d sat with the idea for a few days, we decided to talk to my family about it.

I told my best friend first and she was thrilled for me. I was on a roll.

I decided to break the news to my parents.

Now, for a little background information, my parents are no strangers to travel. I lived the first two years of my life in Africa because my Dad was part of a red cross teaching programme in Zambia. I lived next to Lake Victoria for a while. So in my mind the idea of telling them that I was intending, in a years time, to move to Japan, held less terror than the thought of telling my pregnant sister that I was going to be leaving her just after her kid is born.

I never expected my Father to tell me he thought it would be the biggest regret of my life and that I would be lonely, isolated and utterly depressed. His informed opinion was apparently entirely based upon the third hand knowledge passed to him by his brother’s wife. Her son’s a teacher in Japan. The man has been there for ten years, has a wife and a child and doesn't speak the language. He talks to no one and hates it there.

I sincerely wanted to reply to my Father’s pronouncement with: “I’m sorry, but if you've been in a country for over ten years, have a wife who is native to the land and a child who has grown up there…and still don’t speak the language, then you have far more issues than the country you live in.” But I didn't. Because I was in shock. I told him a bit more about the information we’d found out about and hung up. I then proceeded to burst into tears.

So alien was it to me, the idea that my Father might not support me in a major life decision, that I just couldn't process what he’d said. I was in utter shock.

To my amazement the only real thoughts that were swirling around in my mind were “you utter hypocrite” and “well, I don’t care, you aren't the one going to Japan, I am!”

It was then that I discovered the power of defiance.

All of the ‘humm, maybe’ and ‘wow, I could do that’ solidified into a complete and very solid decision. Hearing someone I truly cared about tell me that they thought my idea was not a good one, showed me exactly what I valued. It brought into focus how much I wanted to do this. It was more than a pipe dream or a some day maybe. This was something that I was definitely wanting to do.

I’d had the desire to become a teacher from a very early age. My Dad was a teacher for over 40 years and I had a natural knack for it growing up. I’d steered away from it (on his advice) and focussed on getting a degree in counselling instead, and I don’t regret that choice. However, I still have that desire to teach within me. Deep down, I’ll always be someone who finds fulfilment through helping and teaching people.

This is a way to not only fulfil my partners dream, but also a dream I’d long held but forgotten about.

I calmed down pretty quickly after talking to my Dad and about half an hour later my Mother called me to talk some more. She wanted to apologise because she’d realised that my Dad had upset me. She wanted to let me know that she supported me and asked a bit more about what I was intending to do. After talking with her for another half an hour, I got up the courage to call my sister and break it to her.

I was slightly terrified, considering this is the lady that organises family trips with military precision and was utterly devastated the first time I wasn't going to be able to make it home for Xmas.

Her answer to my amazing, life altering news, could be summed up by the phrase “Huh, cool.”

By this point in time I was loosing it. My Father, the man that had hitch-hiked around Europe before he was 30 and had moved to Africa for 5 years, had told me I was an idiot; and my pregnant sister had said “That sounds really cool Sofs, (short for Sophie) I’m sure you’ll love it.”

Clearly, I either need to get to know my own family better or, maybe, just maybe, should not let my fears and assumptions colour my world view.

I don’t want to live a life of regrets. I don’t want to spend the next 20 years stuck in my little flat within a council estate, never talking to people and only going outside when we need more milk.

I want to experience the world, like my Father did. I want to say “yes, I can speak conversational Japanese and I teach people how to talk English as a day job.” I want to bring joy to people and help them grow.

Most of all. I want to move to Japan more than ever now. Hearing “don’t” helped break my limbo.

So, perhaps, the best thing you can hear when you are having second thoughts about something, or are on the fence about a decision, is another person telling you how bad it could be. I love my family to pieces and my parents really are my hero’s but right now, it’s time that I took control and focussed on making my own, two person and two cat family’s, dreams come true.

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