Do you have a moment?
Yes? Thank you! What do you prefer, chocolates or icecream? What do you like to dance to? Sucks you can’t just reply back, right? I’d love to know about you. Get to know you. Connect with you on a personal level beyond the walls of tech. But, why? Why?!
Yes, yes. I feel the irony, too. I started off with you then made it about myself, right? I apologise. Why don’t you write back to me and tell me more about yourself! We may even end up laughing at a brunch this Sunday. Or fine, I’ll not jump right to the reason. Happy?
What a person loves more than a discussion about himself is usually an embarrassing story or an admission of being wrong by the other person. So, I’ll lead with one of those.
My dad is one of a kind. No, I’m not idealising him. I never understood him like I did today. He wasn’t much of a talker. Ever. The agenda written on his morning coffee mug is “utter as few words as possible.”
I have it on good authority of my grandmother and her daughters that a friend of my dad used to visit him every evening in his early youth. They would sit on chairs in the lawn, smoking, sipping tea, for hours. Sometimes even 4 hours. That’s how we boys usually socialise, right? The only weird part was that they’d both be sitting silently for those good four hours each day! Then his friend would say, “off I go! Allah Hafiz” and my dad would respond, “Allah Hafiz!”
Similarly, my mum recalls that after marriage she was the talkative one and my dad was kind enough to let out occasional “hmm’s” as his kind contribution to the conversations.
When I gained conscious and entered the age where it was weird to play hide and seek at your host’s house so you had to sit in the drawing room with your parents, I noticed a similar trend, too. All my dad ever did was smile and nod. When he was asked a question he’d give a composed but concise answer. It startled me how can the family and friends love such a man’s company who avoids speaking and makes a joke once in a blue moon? But those jokes were hilarious and people always remembered them.
A very good friend of mine moved to a new furnished house and invited me along with the family to the house warming party. Since there was segregation so my dad was stuck with the uncles in the drawing room while we boys hung out around the pool. After dinner I noticed my dad listening, smiling, and laughing like he always did where everyone around him kept addressing him. All this time I thought my dad didn’t like interacting much with people and that’s why he avoided speaking to them. At the same time I used to wonder yet somehow people love him and genuinely respect him.
It made sense today when I started reading “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie. I learned that the very first trick is to be interested in people. The trick is to make the conversation about them rather than yourself. The trick is to be a good listener. Like my dad! Smile, listen attentively, and people would love your company. They will respect you. They’ll help you without asking. My dad was never antisocial. He actually loves interacting with people and getting to know their stories. His charming personality and warm smile is enough to make you feel comfortable that he doesn’t need to ask anything. His facial expressions and the energy he radiates speaks and asks you details of your stories.
So… That is why… Makes sense?
