
In January, a friend of mine got married, I was happy for her but at same time what dreaded me most as fellow human when I came to know of her being just house wife in future, mostly doing cooking, raising up kids, doing chores (I’m not against all this, but limiting someone to just these things is an extreme, and extremes are dangerous). A lady with multiple talents slipping into role of just a mere housewife. When I met her for what turned out to be the last meeting, I went through a whole discussion about this danger and remedies to it, why it’s important to not just be a housewife (in sense of restricting yourself to just daily chores, cleaning, cooking and raising kids).
It’s the danger that a lot of ladies in our society face, and they struggle living monotonous life, a life of someone else’s, a life of others, they are dying inside day by day, but they do not speak, or cannot speak, but I have to speak, I have to say (bol!). Why they need to more than conventional-housewives?
A human comprises of a soul, a mind, and a body. Every part needs cultivation, and nourishment. Each of these parts has its own needs which can’t be ignored on the part of other. In case of a woman who graduates and then goes onto being a housewife restricting herself to chores, cleaning etc. her mind and intellect begins to wither year by year. Mind needs intellectual stimulation, it needs ideas to grow through, to grow with. And when a lady is allowed to pursue intellectual growth, it doesn’t just help her grow her mind but helps her to be a great human, a great lady, a great mother, a great wife. It also enables to reach self-actualization, the highest level of human needs as described in Maslow’s pyramid, (though there’s another level self-transcendence above the self-actualization but Maslow didn’t publish that level till his death) the level where some of most great humans reached; Einstein, Jobs, Mandela, Edhi, Musk, to name just few. It’s is necessary for her to reach self-actualization as it would help her to know herself and develop as an individual being.
‘Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom’-Aristotle
Maslow’s pyramid
Source of image: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:MaslowsHierarchyOfNeeds.svg
Tony Robbins describes 6 basic human needs often in his work, books, podcasts, audio programs; uncertainty, certainty, significance, contribution, growth, connection.
*To have more comprehension of these 6 needs, watch Tony Robbins’s TED talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpc-t-Uwv1I *
One of these mentioned 6 needs is growth which includes growth in many areas of life, and I mentioned mental growth above including emotional, and intellectual growth. Another very important area of needs is uncertainty, the need to have adventures, the need to have surprises, the need to have variety of experiences in life as life is nothing but collection of experiences. A lady who just finds herself doing daily chores, cleaning, and looking after kids would be bored of same monotonous life staying at home all the days, weeks, years (though surprises can be found in doing these things in new ways as well, but for even that mental growth still is required, the input of ideas). Boredom would slowly kill her from inside like a toxin which acts slowly.
“The existential vacuum manifests itself mainly in in state of boredom”-Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
Plus she might have her own ambitions, goals, and dreams which she has the right to pursue, but often a lot of times she’s asked to live a specific template version of life.
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.”-Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
She might have talents, gifts, dreams to express.
“…the dream is something you never knew was going to come into your life. Dreams always come from behind you, not right between your eyes. It sneaks up on you. But when you have a dream, it doesn’t often come at you screaming in your face, “This is who you are, this is what you must be for the rest of your life.” Sometimes a dream almost whispers. And I’ve always said to my kids, the hardest thing to listen to-your instincts, your human personal intuition-always whispers; it never shouts. Very hard to hear. So you have to every day of your lives be ready to hear what whispers in your ear; it very rarely shouts. And if you can listen to the whisper, and if it tickles your heart, and it’s something you think you want to do for the rest of your life, then that is going to be what you do for the rest of your life, and we will benefit from everything you do.”-Steven Spielberg
But if unused all her potential it would go in vain. What she won’t use would go against her.
“Stars shine on us, but talent shines in us.”-Matshona Dhliwayo
*To find your talents here’s a great book suggestion: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16158494-finding-your-element *
I do understand that sometimes socioeconomic conditions aren’t ideal in our society for ladies to go out and work or find ways to express themselves, but the ladies have to fight back against all the prejudices and barriers, but still if staying at home is the last best option for you, lady, here are some suggestions that might help to cope this situations:
The growth of mind, and uncertainty need being the priority, read the books you find in your spare time to come out of monotonous life. Read, read, and read. You can listen to great podcasts as well (e.g. Robin Sharma’s mastery sessions on YouTube are great source of learning). Reading gives you intellectual stimulation, and builds your imagination to better solve problems (of yourself and others). Read the books you like; biographies of people you are inspired by, read fiction, fiction develops empathy, it makes us travel to places we never imagined sitting at sofa, and gives us the opportunity to go on adventures while swimming through pages of books.
*Here’s a list of 100 books I recommend to read to live a better life: https://muhammadsalmanisrar.wordpress.com/2017/08/12/90-books/ *
You can start blogging besides working on chores. As you read more, you’ll be able to write more. Your words would live always, even when you are gone from this world. You might express an idea/ideas that might help someone, even if you impact one person in your life time or in future by your blogs, it would be worth it. Your one sentence might become one life for someone. You can write stories and publish them on blog too!
Start drawing, doodling to channelize your talents, emotions, to find more happiness. World needs more happy people who dare! Drawing helps, for some it acts as therapy to unleash and let go chaotic world in them.
*Here’s a great book on why to sketch every day, how to do it, and why everyone should do it by a self-taught artist and mother: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20758063-sketch *
You could start a YouTube channel where you might turn your words into powerful impacting legacy. It can be turned out into a business as well (how? do read Crush it! by Gary V). You could start making animated video of summaries of books you read so more people could benefit from it (Videoscribe is very good software which does all the whiteboard animation for you without you having to draw anything, if you can’t afford it, go for pirated version;) You could blogs sharing your life experiences and lessons.
*Here’s an example of Pakistani lady doing great job vlogging: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-sX0Yp0JZkyTLQgrI9Ij4A *
In the end what matters is that you live and express fully, and have collection of experiences that become a lasting part of you. I wish you all the best, may you get best experiences out of life. Happy life! Happy living. J
“Get busy living or get busy dying”-Stephen King, Shawshank Redemption
Featured image: Digital Painting by No Life Doodler
Disclaimer: This blog is my opinion, and shouldn’t be taken as an absolute truth.