The Collected Insults of David Simon

Rough times call for rough language.

Erika Hall
Jun 30, 2018 · 2 min read

Every day it’s more injustice, death, and trauma, abetted by brazen liars trampling the principles they claim to uphold while cashing checks, flying private, and demanding politeness.

When words fail mere mortals like us, we can borrow from David Simon.

He said so.

“Fix your algorithm, scrotelick.”

“useless shitcrest”

“Here’s a question, fucksquib: Should A US president EVER call a free press America’s “biggest enemy”?

“slope-headed, trolling fuckmookery”


“meme-snorting fuckmook”

“Stale-dick sliders, Bob. Eat a bag of them with fries.”

“amoral ferret”

“mouth-breathing shitfesters”

“shit-fed deplorati”

“hollow fuckstumbles”

“When the history of this awful American epoch is written, the tone-deaf abdication of fundamental ethics by social media platforms will be an overlay to the disaster.”

“xenophobic fuckstubs”

“lying, fuckfailed shitcrisp”

“taintlicking, submoronic meme-sniffing fuckfail”

“ racebaiting bollus of chewed trash”

“fuck poultry and then lick yourself dry”

“botspittled mouth”

“just another lying shitswizzle clogging the internet’s drain”

“meme-chewing slugfucker”

“Sorry, Gregory, this is a no-scrote zone”

“In a just and god-governed world, you’ll die slowly from a painful and fulminant venereal lesion that spreads to your brainstem. But alas 1) god is clearly dead and 2) you would first need to achieve coitus to first acquaint yourself with the rash.”

“You’ve learned nothing but how to live in a soulless trough of shit”

“dopey bitchbot”

“fearmongering, insecure white nativist shitmuzzle”

“festering dickdrip”

“Regrettably, I reached my quota of smug, soulless internet shitcrisps several years ago, but I’ll keep your application on file should there ever be fresh openings.”

“We’re in a shallow money trench crowded with overfed, beshitted swine.”

“Swines of misrule.”

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